what......
what is this.
what is this feeling.
where am I?
oh, its still night
the sun hasnt come out yet.
but, where am I?
I feel grass.
and pebbles.
pricking my back and my neck and my head.
I can see shattered glass, next to me.
I can see open sky above me.
but why are there no stars?
why is there no moon?
its just dark. a black sea. upside down.
is that really the sky?
my head is throbbing.
its painful. like nothing else that Ive ever felt.
haemorrage?
my chest is wet. its drenched.
thick liquid.
am I leaking blood?
I cant feel my left arm. or my legs.
shit.
I cant move.
I cant get up.
what happened to me?
I can hardly breathe.
my chest heaves with each breath.
its painful.
its troublesome.
cant I just stop breathing?
Mmm.
that would be nice.
and it doesnt seem far off, I suppose. its only a matter of time now.
is this how death is like?
there's no dignity in it.
lying in the dirt like this.
death isnt the release of pain, its much more painful than any pain in life!
its sickening.
this waiting. before I finally end. this stupid waiting.
wait.
I dont want to die.
not yet.
am I fated to die like this?
with everything incomplete?
still a virgin?
still in college?
I want to live.
a bit more.
feh.
Im about to die.
and youre still on my mind.
even now.
get out.
wont you let me die peacefully?
noooooo!
maybe there's still hope.
maybe I can still survive.
if I shout.
If I scream.
someone.
save me.
someonee
Im about to die!
I can hear someone. coming.
its my roommate.
thank goodness.
"dude. youre totally wasted. you drank like shit dude. whatever. hangover or no hangover. get the f*ck up!"
phew.
all is well, it seems.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
guest post : cheesy woman
do I need to say it?
this is a sentimental post from someone to their someone special
ANYONE WHO READS THIS AND DOES NOT COMMENT IS NOT STRAIGHT. SIMPLE.
or is darth vader.
back to the post.......
I didn't want to fall in love. Not after so many failed attempts.
I didn't want to open up to you. Not after having my heart broken so many times.
You know I'm scared to love, to feel, to let go of the plastic bubble that I've been living in.
Okay is this becoming one of those cheesy posts I swore I'd never write? I think it is. But what the hell. I'm learning to like cheesy, it makes me smile. I'm learning to love sweet nicknames, they make me giggle. I'm learning how to give kisses on the phone while dreaming about our first kiss. I'm learning that saying 'I love you' is not lame or needy. Romantic songs make me cry now, it's that bad!
You've opened me up to a range of emotions whose very existence I vehemently denied. And for that, I thank you.
I know you may not wait. I know we may not be. But for this, for making me whole... I love you.
ahem.
yes. that was really beautiful.
CW I hope you both work out.
if love is anything, then you must be swimming in it for him. he is truly a lucky guy.
best of luck. for your future together.
this is a sentimental post from someone to their someone special
ANYONE WHO READS THIS AND DOES NOT COMMENT IS NOT STRAIGHT. SIMPLE.
or is darth vader.
back to the post.......
I didn't want to fall in love. Not after so many failed attempts.
I didn't want to open up to you. Not after having my heart broken so many times.
You know I'm scared to love, to feel, to let go of the plastic bubble that I've been living in.
Okay is this becoming one of those cheesy posts I swore I'd never write? I think it is. But what the hell. I'm learning to like cheesy, it makes me smile. I'm learning to love sweet nicknames, they make me giggle. I'm learning how to give kisses on the phone while dreaming about our first kiss. I'm learning that saying 'I love you' is not lame or needy. Romantic songs make me cry now, it's that bad!
You've opened me up to a range of emotions whose very existence I vehemently denied. And for that, I thank you.
I know you may not wait. I know we may not be. But for this, for making me whole... I love you.
ahem.
yes. that was really beautiful.
CW I hope you both work out.
if love is anything, then you must be swimming in it for him. he is truly a lucky guy.
best of luck. for your future together.
Monday, March 9, 2009
when you look at a cow, dont stare at its behind! thats RUDE!!
ahem.
first things first.
happy birthday to me. (now please wish me. Im already lacking in Bday wishes)(stupid too drunk to remember friends)
ahem ahem.
oh, yes.
and there's a party.
I always wanted this special day to come.
my own sweet sixteen party.
chocolates, cakes and grand food.
all my friends at one place.
and youre invited.
my mom always says that sixteen is a great age to be at. now I get to find out! yay!
woohoo
sweet sixteen!!!
oh.
wait.
Im 21.
nevermind.
cancel that invitation.
now that I know that I cant have a sweet sixteen party.....
I think I'll go cry in the corner.
hehe.
alright. back to the much more pressing issue.
new previously unknown hot girl discovered.
Marie Digby.
the girl who made me realise that all mexicans dont wear hats, are not short and unsexy and smelly, and fart really pretty looking pink farts
oh.
she's not mexican?
oh. oh.
nevermind.
she's hot and she sings well, so F**k you!
oh oh.
whats a Bday post without a dedication huh?
I would like to decimate this post to all the great people in my life(alessandra ambrosio, deepika padukone, katrina kaif, michelle branch and delilah(hey there delilah!))
and to sprite.
and milkshakes.
yosh.
that was so lame.
its time to get drink like Ive never drunk before.
milkshakes.
and then sleep.
first things first.
happy birthday to me. (now please wish me. Im already lacking in Bday wishes)(stupid too drunk to remember friends)
ahem ahem.
oh, yes.
and there's a party.
I always wanted this special day to come.
my own sweet sixteen party.
chocolates, cakes and grand food.
all my friends at one place.
and youre invited.
my mom always says that sixteen is a great age to be at. now I get to find out! yay!
woohoo
sweet sixteen!!!
oh.
wait.
Im 21.
nevermind.
cancel that invitation.
now that I know that I cant have a sweet sixteen party.....
I think I'll go cry in the corner.
hehe.
alright. back to the much more pressing issue.
new previously unknown hot girl discovered.
Marie Digby.
the girl who made me realise that all mexicans dont wear hats, are not short and unsexy and smelly, and fart really pretty looking pink farts
oh.
she's not mexican?
oh. oh.
nevermind.
she's hot and she sings well, so F**k you!
oh oh.
whats a Bday post without a dedication huh?
I would like to decimate this post to all the great people in my life(alessandra ambrosio, deepika padukone, katrina kaif, michelle branch and delilah(hey there delilah!))
and to sprite.
and milkshakes.
yosh.
that was so lame.
its time to get drink like Ive never drunk before.
milkshakes.
and then sleep.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Love and shite, shite is greek word for love, I suggest you to not read this
hehe.
guest post, by one of the MOST wonderful girls that I know,
who I call - My sweet honey (teehee, forgive me oh great one, I HAD to say that :P)
Once upon a time there was a guy in Sandland called, er, Owl. He had eyes as black as black grapes and a very sexy way of making you laugh. He was charming, in all the wrong proportions, but still charming. We were better off as friends and things were picture-perfect-partners-in-crime-ish until he decided to ask me out and ruin it. No, really. What we had was good but it was sooo complicated. Also, there were other reasons.
1) He lives some 100000 km away for most of the year save the summer.
2) I did NOT want to be his "summer fling".
3) He was a friend's ex.
4) ^That was no big problem as my friend and I were never I and my friend, if you know what I mean.
5) I still thought relationships were fucking overrated.
So I call it off, er, not very gracefully (& mourn about it into pillows and bathroom walls for what seems like an eternity). It really annoyed me that he wasn't half as pissed off as he should have been. When he went back he wrote to me saying we should stay in touch n stuff and I chose to ignore his mail. Nice move huh? :| (Totally, what bs i say :| ) He never mailed again and I convinced myself that blech, he was not my perfect guy anyway.
Side note: Ok, my perfect guy?
Should be a forum-trolling, nicotine-fixated, balding, dour,
indifferent, guileless hack-writer who has read Vonnegut and Camus,
can spell T-R-U-F-F-A-U-T and know that 400 Blows.avi isn't an
instructional video, possesses 7 GB+ porn on his hard drive, listens
only to sociopol rock and trims his armpit hair on birthdays 4 meeee. <3
=]]
Ahem, anyway, back to the Great Indian Sob Story. It was all okay-ish until I learnt that he is coming back this summer. Don't tell me I shouldn't "give a fuck about it since I ended it" like the others. Urgh. I know the amount of human emotion I’m capable of will shock you, but I have huge guilt-trips. I'm like the other guilt queen. And it's going to be awkward and awkward doesn't go down very well with me, just like, raw vegetables or sushi. Graaaaaaah.
End rant.
Soulful apologies for utter torturement.
Sigh.
Love,
ze sweet honey (:P teehee!)
guest post, by one of the MOST wonderful girls that I know,
who I call - My sweet honey (teehee, forgive me oh great one, I HAD to say that :P)
Once upon a time there was a guy in Sandland called, er, Owl. He had eyes as black as black grapes and a very sexy way of making you laugh. He was charming, in all the wrong proportions, but still charming. We were better off as friends and things were picture-perfect-partners-in-crime-ish until he decided to ask me out and ruin it. No, really. What we had was good but it was sooo complicated. Also, there were other reasons.
1) He lives some 100000 km away for most of the year save the summer.
2) I did NOT want to be his "summer fling".
3) He was a friend's ex.
4) ^That was no big problem as my friend and I were never I and my friend, if you know what I mean.
5) I still thought relationships were fucking overrated.
So I call it off, er, not very gracefully (& mourn about it into pillows and bathroom walls for what seems like an eternity). It really annoyed me that he wasn't half as pissed off as he should have been. When he went back he wrote to me saying we should stay in touch n stuff and I chose to ignore his mail. Nice move huh? :| (Totally, what bs i say :| ) He never mailed again and I convinced myself that blech, he was not my perfect guy anyway.
Side note: Ok, my perfect guy?
Should be a forum-trolling, nicotine-fixated, balding, dour,
indifferent, guileless hack-writer who has read Vonnegut and Camus,
can spell T-R-U-F-F-A-U-T and know that 400 Blows.avi isn't an
instructional video, possesses 7 GB+ porn on his hard drive, listens
only to sociopol rock and trims his armpit hair on birthdays 4 meeee. <3
=]]
Ahem, anyway, back to the Great Indian Sob Story. It was all okay-ish until I learnt that he is coming back this summer. Don't tell me I shouldn't "give a fuck about it since I ended it" like the others. Urgh. I know the amount of human emotion I’m capable of will shock you, but I have huge guilt-trips. I'm like the other guilt queen. And it's going to be awkward and awkward doesn't go down very well with me, just like, raw vegetables or sushi. Graaaaaaah.
End rant.
Soulful apologies for utter torturement.
Sigh.
Love,
ze sweet honey (:P teehee!)
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