Friday, June 12, 2009

diagnosis : PMS






"Infectious diseases will last as long as humanity itself"


The Pseudo Maal Syndrome(attituditis)


"of the two PMSs, the worse one to have-Dick Cranius"


PMS may be defined as infection of the brain of a healthy young female with unhealthy thoughts and hallucinations about her own importance.
such afflicted persons have been termed at various times as the wannabe maals, the kim sharmas, she-who-must-not-be-named and many other synonyms, listing of which would be too exhaustive for this book.

Problem statement

WORLD

being an highly infectious disease, PMS is endemic in mot developing countries, with frequent outbursts of minor and major outbreaks.
the exact incidence amounts to, according to WHO about 10-27 women per 100 are affected annually.
also, like chickenpox almost all girls have been afflicted by it at least once before they reach 20.
again, also like chickenpox, the clinical features are more prominent and exaggerated in case of adult life.

INDIA

for practical purposes, India can be divided into areas of low, intermediate and high endimicity.
the exact incidence of PMS in india is not known. however, the Indian literature is replete with numerous reports of sporadic and epidemic occurrence of this disease in various cities, residential colonies and campuses.

Epidemiological determinants

Agent factors

(a)AGENT: the causative agent, named the attivirus from the attiviridae family of viruses.
(b)RESISTANCE: the virus is fairly resistant to heat and chemicals. even pepsi.
(c)RESERVOIR: the human cases are the only reservoir of infection.

Host factors

(a)AGE: attivirus infection is more common in young adults and adolescents.
(b)SEX: affects only females. although some male cases have also been reported.
(C)IMMUNITY: no effective immunological response has been observed.

Enviromental factors


cases may occur throughout the year. and can occur in any area.

Modes of transmission

(a)by contact with infected host/
(b)sometimes, even just by looking.

Clinical features

the clinical spectrum of PMS may vary from a mild illness to a severe form.


however the salient features of attivirus-infection may be summarized as:
1. sudden change in attire, leaning towards the skimpier version
2. sudden liking of expensive, tasteless as well as unaffordable goods.
3. staring down of any person that is looking at the patient, or even persons who are not.
4. sudden liking of shows like roadies, splitsvilla and other reality shows.
5. sudden hanging out with persons suffering from severe bitchitis.
6. a profile on a social networking site, suddenly sprouting pictures in random poses,and also of random stuff, like feet, cats and whatnots.

other related symptoms and signs may also be present.


Complications

in most cases it is a self-limiting disease.
however in immunocompromised and depressed patients it may have a fulminant course.

Diagnosis

is based on clinical findings.

Control


its OUTOFFRIGGINCONTROL dude.

Prevention


run. fast. as fast as your feet can take you.



for the medical people reading this, yes, it IS in fact made in the format of K.Park, nightmare of all.

hmm. long one. I know.
also, an announcement.

HIATUS SEMILUNARIS
starting today, this blog will be on a hiatus for a month.
its not writer's block. its something else.
other blogs shall not be read.and comments shall not be replied to.
for a month, that is.

will be back, on or before 15th july.

25 comments:

  1. Me first me first!!:D
    ruko abhi post padti hun!:D

    ReplyDelete
  2. :o
    ROFL!!

    God!
    sometimes i really love you!

    hahahaha!

    the post was,ahem, mind blowing!:P

    ReplyDelete
  3. seems like sm1 finally opened the community medicine book...atleast 4 sm reason...was funny!!also i wud like to add that the incidence of pms has been highly under reported...

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  4. PSM leading u to meditate on PMS??? Haha..nice! Didnt u get the nice new blue edition of K. Park's masterpiece yet??

    Oh btw, I dont believe in coincidences, K. Park is in fact a woman, which you'll notice on fine inspection of the book's preface and she also has a false sense of self-importance..

    she makes pronouncements like "Bathing is a ritual in India."

    and "sex is a ritual in Japan" ok, I made the latter up, but u get the point.

    why no blog??
    and hiatus semilunaris??

    shudnt that be half a lunar month, aka 15 days??

    cmon!

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh and i just gave my ent term exam..so hiatus semilunaris is in keeping with the spirit of the year..

    but hiatuses arent always good..hiatus hernia for example?

    i'll still be dropping by, always with hope intact. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. What happened to your one line rants? Why private?

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  7. wel 2 b honest didnt get half of ur post...read it again...but i gues my strong dislike for science and its forms overpowered...!!!

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  8. WHO--The World Hoax Organization, has declared PMS to be be completely "eradicate-able".

    After intense research of 3 years, the prestigious organization has come up with a vaccine, which would employ a novel route of administration, and consists of whole cellular antigen derived from human haploid germ cell line--containing either the X or the Y chromosome. In an ensuing autoimmune response that the female body mounts, a well encysted 'feto-ma' is formed, and prevents the shedding of endometrium. The immunity thus provided lasts for 40 subsequent weeks. And this period can be further prolonged by certain booster practices still "under observation".

    The WHO thus buoyed by the multicentric phase III trials carried out at undisclosed locations using undisclosed subjects, has recommended this vaccine for inclusion in the Universal immunization programs for all the susceptible members of a given population, in particular, in the socalled developing countries. The results of postmarketing surveillance, i.e., phase IV trials are awaited, but a visibly exhausted, yet excited WHO official said, "Oh, I just loved the vaccination program err. The results of the vaccine trials. And you all would love it, too!"


    @Deluded: What! your PMS didn't mean premenstrual syndrome? Uh-oh. WHO got it wrong. Yet again! :(

    ReplyDelete
  9. ha ha

    at first, I thot, it wud definitely be PMS (of gynae...)
    But, it wasn't. :o

    But, still...u hv done complete justice to this new-named-disease...

    got it copyrighted, did u ?

    hv a fun break ...!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. ah so now the other one is invite only!

    Nice one!
    but me sad

    ReplyDelete
  11. hey,, nice write up.. sometthing different.. very funny n interesting..

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  12. ur a crazzzzzy bugga...


    loved it.

    so true. and me agreees that some males have it too.

    lol


    be back soon.

    hope ur not pmsssing.

    hehe

    ReplyDelete
  13. LOL at Ketan's comment.
    Saala!
    Where are the feminists?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hilarious: I have found your blog through "neglected serendipity" and I love it.

    By the way: This is what PMS means to us women. For most of the month: they give us these hormones - oestrogen. progesteron. And then...THEY TAKE THEM AWAY!!!!

    You know how a heroine addict goes crazy without their opium? It's the same. It's like going cold turkey. It's not fun for you - but believe me ,it's much much worse for us!

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. sup Doc??!! I'm having fun watching House all day long... :D

    But this was good enough for 5-mins... like the commercial during House!! :P You should write 40-min long cases like these...

    And dude, what's with the stupid, twisted abbr. funda these med things have??!! Like, M.D. is Doctor of Med. Why's it not straight D.M.?? Sounds verry diff though!! Let me know if you figure it out...

    Until later, see you when I see you... :D

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  17. the Linda Goodman fanJune 28, 2009 at 3:28 AM

    Hope Harrison's and Park update their info soon.....you seem to be more well informed about the prevalent epidemics

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi,

    How are you? Have great summer.

    ReplyDelete
  19. bwahahahahaha!!

    PS: u need to update your parks. as per the most recent publications, the sex distribution for, ahem, pms is changing at quite a rapid rate, with a lot more guys being afflicted.

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  20. I mailed :)

    and we spoke :)

    so yayy!

    ReplyDelete
  21. nice post! i particularly related to the symptoms

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  22. wah wah!! awesome dude...it is OUTOFFRIGGINCONTROL dude...

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  23. Hi,

    I begin on internet with a directory

    ReplyDelete

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