my dear female and male readers
(hi mom! hi dad!)
I have not yet found the perfect excuse.....the one that can get you out of ANY situation
however
Ive found the next best thing
and UNFORTUNATELY for those of the less gifted people out there,
it.
is.
a.
bloodline.
It is-
hold your breath
.
.
Im a bengali.
Question. why are you always so lazy?
Excuse. Im a bengali
Implied. all bengalis are lazy
Q. will you do this work for me?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!
Q. why do you look like you havent showered in a week?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!
Q. why are you late to class?
E. Im a bengali
I. its hard to keep track of time with a big heavy bloodline in your veins
hmmmm.......
I could do this all day and all night long..........and it still wont decrease its excusing value
Q. why did you eat that week old food?
E. Im a bengali
I. we shall eat anything(that which doesnt kill you, makes you stronger)
Q. are you underage for this movie/club/drink?
E. Im a bengali
I. I SOOOO wanna see this A-rated movie/sexy people in skimpy clothes/jug of beer inside me
Q. are you drunk?
E. Im a bengali
I. *gulp gulp
Q. why do you hate the world?
E. Im a bengali
I. that means, I hate you too
Q. why are you so awesome?
E. Im a bengali
I. woohoooo
wow.
just wow.
Q. you know that you'll fail if you continue like this.........dont you?
E. Im a bengali
I. it doesnt matter, pass or fail, I'll still be a bengali......so I atleast get to work at the sweetshop next doors for free food
Q. why are you sleeping all the time?
E. Im a bengali
I. Zzzzzzzz
Q. will you donate some blood?
E. Im a bengali
I. Ive got blue blood
Q. do you have money?
E. Im a bengali
I. Im broke
HA!
there you go.
my friends, THAT is THE shit of all the shitload of excuses
feel free to use my discovery to your advantage(you can lie that youre a bengali)
Lesson learned: my ancestors have been everywhere where I could have gone, done everything better than I could have, done crazier shit than I can imagine to, AND also have been more mediocre and average than I have
Dammit!
P.S. also, comment, and leave your own Q.E.I.s for using this excuse
P.P.S. Jiggs, if youre reading this, UNBLOCK your blog.......Im addicted to that morning coffee freshness of your writing now
Q. isnt this supposed to come before the P.Ss and P.P.Ss?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye! f*ck off
Q. why am I posting this at 4 am?
E. Im a bengali
I. mind your own business and circadian rhythm!
Q: Why didn't my last blog entry get any comments from you, though I'm oh-so-sure you read it?
ReplyDeleteA:Im a bengali.
I:Aye, f*ck off!
*sob*
awesome!!
ReplyDeletei'll ques u.. u ans n imp,k??
y do they always have soooo many... sorry shshshhoooo many sh n oooo's in their lang??.. ROSHOOGOOOLLA
man, I SO agree with you!
ReplyDeleteI mean, there is nothing left to do that ur ancestors have not! and jo bacha tha, woh sab elder brothers n sisters ne kar diya!
My set :-P
Q: Why does ur hindi suck?
A: Im a bengali.
I: All bongs have sucky hindi.
Q: Why do u eat and then fart so much?
A: Im a bengali.
I: I have nothing 2 do, so eat; and I eat too much, so fart!
Q: Are u mad at shatabdi coz of anything?
A: Im a bengali.
I: Aye, f*ck off!
that is friggin' chauvinistic. racist, even. :|
ReplyDeleteQ:Why am i so pissed?
A:Im a bengali
I:Stop generalising for god's sake. bongs can be good humored and (@ tinkerbell) grammatically correct :| And some of dont eat ALL the time? :|AND, Aye, fuck off!
im done. *fart*fart* :|:|
insert: some of us
ReplyDelete:|
Dayem, that almost ruined the effect.
@ diu
ReplyDeletebecause i was in shock
@ isra
your name is like ISRO..with an a
E. Im a bengali.
I. Its hard to talk properly with your mouth full
@ express
hehe......haha........BWAHAHAHA
I really feel like including that in the post now
@ hot bong gal
no its not.........you should have read the conclusion
Im not generalising.........its just a bloody good excuse for almost anything.
because everytime I do something wrong....I just point out that someone else has done worse......which gets me out of trouble
Q. if all bongs have a good sense of humour....shouldnt you be taking this with a hint of humour, and laugh at it instead of getting senti?
hahhhaahhaaa.... wish I was a bengali too...
ReplyDeletebut naah
Q: why do i look so angry...
A: bcoz I'm an oriya
I: *cudnt think of anything*
Well, am proud of you... Blogging at four am and all. :D
ReplyDeleteLOL @ the intro.. :D
PS: <3 this new trend I've started, if you can guess what it is.
Though I am Bengali ..I couldn't understand your post Actually....
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard anybody giving excuses like that ...
Anyways let me try one ....
Q:Why do you look so bemused reading this ?
E:I'm a bengali
I:Aye, f*ck off! :P
I really couldn't understand that....Seriously :D...but this post sounds strangely funny ..seriously does ..
i unlocked my blog
ReplyDeletecz ur a bengali
n i love bengalis :P
btw explain morning coffee freshness
: P :P
good humor is ur forte
quite uncanny and turly original
cheers
yeah right, whatever.
ReplyDeletegetting senti, my gigantic foot :|
dont remember mentioning im a 'gal' or hot. but wouldnt that be a great excuse too?
.
.
Im a hot girl.
nah, it sounds sexist. i'd better go now before i contradict myself anymore.
@ swayam
ReplyDeleteand THATS why being a bengali is cooler
@ diu
does it involve dairy milk and a green tee?
@ anurag
ReplyDeletestrange, funny?
yup, thats me
i also wish i could get rich
.
.
and laid.
welcome to my blog
@ aditi
ReplyDeleteits like my brother says......
nothing wakes you up like a coffee and shobhaa de.
thats what you remind me of.
@ now-hotter bong gal
exjactly
lets make out
:P
i know who you are
Hm... No, it didn't, initially, but now, coming to think of it, yeah. :D
ReplyDeleteBTW, you get too many anonymous comments which is so cool :D
Man!
ReplyDeletethe reply u gave 2 anurag!
beyond briliant!!!!!!!!
LOL!
and abt anon bong hottie
i think u r not bong,
coz if u were,
u wud knw wht he is taking abt.
AND
u r funny..don't go.
we all LOVE anon comments on deluded's!
thats why v come here :-D
@ all
ReplyDeletenobody says anything bad about the hot anonymous cutie
i love her
she's my personal ethics coach
@ diu
oh.....then what is it?
@express
thank you
i love you too
and yes, she IS a bong
a very hot one in fact.....
at least in my imagination
(dammit! i shouldnt have said this)
you know me? err, i dont think so.
ReplyDeleteshe's my personal ethics coach
do i detect traces of sarcasm? nah, your too dumb for that (read: sweet)
aand, are you trying to flirt with me? cuz i could try flirting back :P
@ express
your right. technically, im not bong. not even close. but i love bongs. um, some of them. and, im funny? :') bless.
@ deluded, again.
dude, get that grip on your readers. they cant not come here for you :|
im the new strategyguru. rahahahahaha.
deluded,
ReplyDeletedid u say u 'love' me?
*BIGG BLUSH!*
omg, omg , oh my dear dear god!
he said IT!!!!!!
now come n grace my page with ur presence!
and
I am actually thinking 'why' in the 1st place did u stop visiting ppl's blogs?
@ anon woman
:-|
wtf!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLMAO! And I actually am a bengali too.
Q: why are you pissed?
A: coz I'm a bengali and my dad just told me we're originally from north bihar and goswami is only a title and furthermore, it does not prove my bong-ness. ha. so much for my blue blood.
i'm still ROFLing!!
lesson learnt: bongs, despite all that, love their bongness and are mortified when it's taken away...
ReplyDelete:P
OMG OMG!! SO many bong bloggers. Let me give you guys a name...
ReplyDeleteBongers?
No, that sounds like 'bonkers' in Malayalam
BlingBlongers-Bong bloggers with bling. :)
I should maybe copyright that, huh?
@ AGWA
ReplyDeleteyou came back! thank you!!
damn it!
i knew i was being too hopeful in thinking i wont get slammed today because its a holiday
im dumb
*sob
please be my coach and tell me how to get that grip
@ strategy guru
ReplyDeletemy other guru.......dhongi baba..... seems to have gone off to switzerland for some meditation on the snowy peak
will you enlighten me of your golden chain of thoughts instead?
Okay I know a gazillion Bengalis (my boyfriend being one as well) and no one has offered me any of these excuses! Why?! :(
ReplyDeleteExcept Express's Hindi one. That I get from a lot of people. :)
Q: Why have you been saying 'aandy' instead of aunty these days?
A: I'm a Tamilian.
I: I've been taking 'Lola Kutty' lessons. :D
@ ki
ReplyDeletetime to start wearing those thick-assed black rimmed glasses!!!
did you have fun?
missed your posts by the way
I DO have thick balck rimmed glasses, those are reserved for when my hair is oiled and I'm studying like the good south Indian girl that I am :)
ReplyDeleteOh and I had a blast! I'll post about the trip asap. :)
And awwww, you missed my posts! Awww! <3
Haha, funny. = D
ReplyDeleteOkay, so i came back.
ReplyDeleteNo, i won't coach you.
:|
Or, enlighten you.
my shishyas have that distinct spark above their shoulder. (now, thats rather paulo coelho-esque, and you know i hate him) so i will induce supreme gyaan in you if you have that spark around your crotch, even.
ew. now i need to go cleanse myself.
:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|:|
@ AGWA
ReplyDeleteread previous posts if you forgot
please o jobless guru
give me some advice
or at least a used chappal (so that I can build a guild round it and have religious worshippers[hence make money])
I shall work hard and follow in your footsteps by making anonymous comments on other ppl's blogs..........and thus try and grow some spark on my body
although......I thought you were more of a spunk person than spark
i tried going through all the comments. *big mistake*...
ReplyDeletetsk tsk.
so awfully confused.
...and I thought, "That that doesn't kill you, only makes you stranger."
ReplyDelete...and then I asked Batman why he liked to beat up villains, and you know what he said?
"I'm Bengali"
Heeeheeeehooohoooheeehaaahaaha
Hmm, so lemme get this straight,
ReplyDeleteIf I ask Express here why she looks like a cute furball kitten when she's (tries to be) mean, would she reply,
"I'm a Bengali" ?
she wud say,
ReplyDelete"I HATE cats!"
:x
and cats r NOT bengali! duh!
and wtf d u mean by "tries 2 b mean"
ReplyDeleteI AM a meanie!
:x!
Gah. At least cats smell better after they eat.
ReplyDeleteso go smell the cats!
ReplyDeletetake ur nose and stick it 2 the cat's back-side!
thats whr it shud b!
:x!
...Ooookay
ReplyDeleteSo that pops up the next question:
Why does Express make lame retorts?
"I'm a Bengali" ?
P.S. Speaking of where my nose shouldn't be, it definitely shouldn't be anywhere near you.
*pukes*
because her so called 'lame' retorts r enuff 4 a super-mega-lame-ass like u!
ReplyDeleteand just try n get near me dung, u will knw wht it really means...
P.S. Bongs dont have lame retorts, they r too lazy 2 even retort back :-P
Zzzzzzz...*snort*
ReplyDeleteHuh? What happened?
Oh yeah, I remember! I fell into this really deep slumber after reading the first two words of your reply.
But then I had a nightmare... You had just eaten a lot of McChickens, and I was tied to a chair, with my nose wide open... aargh! The agony!
LOL!
ReplyDeleteYou mister! don't u even get close 2 my fav burger!
and plz sleep, u being awake is agony 4 us! trust me, this dream wont come true coz even thr thought of having u "tied" 2 a chair in my vicinity gives me shivers!
Well, anything to get away from you, even if it is sleeping.
ReplyDeleteBut your spectral humongous lameness does not even leave me there. This one time, I dreamt I was sleeping when suddenly you fell over me. Now I know how it feels when all the bones in your body break at the same moment.
"all" the bones cannot break at the same time..
ReplyDeleteu engineers, kuuccchhh bhi nahi aata!
and like I would wanna fall over a peice of shit!
shucks,
I need 2 take a dreamy bath!
errrkkkkkkkuuuuuuuuuu
"and like I would wanna fall over a peice of shit!"
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to do that, it would be like falling over yourself.
Oh yeah, please remind me to sleep blindfolded, so that the sight of your "bath" doesn't put me into a state of shocked Coma. :D
:-| :-| :-|
ReplyDeletedo they not have bathrooms in the dream-land? and why wud u go sneak-peeking on a girl having bath?
oh on, I forgot,
u have never seen a woman b4...so desperacy wud sure get the better of u!
and boy,
if a peice of shit falls on u, do all the bones of ur body break? do they? do they?
shhaaaaa...stop contradicting urself and talking abs baseless crap...
and..
r u trying 2 b funny in here?
how many times d I ve 2 tell u, tht u r not allowed?
Don't you have a better job than making lame retorts, like going somewhere? *raises eyebrow*
ReplyDeleteIn any case, you are sullying the divine land of his awesomeness deluded.
Go away before more people faint from the smell.
In any case, I have a paper to read, so adieu!
ReplyDelete:-( :-( :-(
ReplyDeletemumamammammama!!!!!! alok doesn't how 2 talk 2 girls! :-(
and even deluded wudnt come n drill some manners in him! :-( :-( :-( :-(
:-((((((((((((((((
dont talk 2 me!
dont even co me near me!
I am gone!
happy?
tum b ade logoko kya mila?
kya mila bachche ko rulake!
:-((((((((((((((((((((((((
You're such as ass!
ReplyDeleteIt's NOT the perfect excuse.
Agh
ahaan. you talk as if you got all figured out :\
ReplyDeleteand, stop trying to be sarcastic. or smart, for that matter. doesn't suit you ickle munchkin diddydums.
and, disguise is right about the not being the perfect excuse part and your an ass part.
and, doniven think of blocking me.
good day :)
ack. i missed a word again.
ReplyDeleteits: you got me all figured out.
:|:|
oh its called speed of thought. and er, fingers.
awleee. im getting ohsogood at pointing out my own mistakes :|
Bleargh.
@ go-phish
ReplyDeletehehehe
NOW you know
@ disguise
haha........tell me a better one instead
@ chappal daata?
why would I EVER block you
youre fun
that is
in a very sadistic way
I have not got you all figured out.......because I dont think you'd be interested in getting figured out anyway
Hey, randomly checking ur blog out.
ReplyDeleteHaha. Liked it. Good one.
Keep in touch!
Take care.
hi,thx for letting me in on this bong shit...whrs stuff abt the supr bong complex?
ReplyDeleteneway, u had me in splits.
since I hvnt got anyone here who wd apprcte this stuff(am in gujjuland) am blogrolling u so my mates read u. yeah?
Eblogger sucks, smileys dnt open up!
O and thanx for the gay comment on the gay post for the gay people lol
ReplyDelete