one of the BEST all time excuses

my dear female and male readers
(hi mom! hi dad!)

I have not yet found the perfect excuse.....the one that can get you out of ANY situation

however

Ive found the next best thing

and UNFORTUNATELY for those of the less gifted people out there,

it.

is.

a.

bloodline.


It is-

hold your breath



.


.


Im a bengali.




Question. why are you always so lazy?
Excuse. Im a bengali
Implied. all bengalis are lazy


Q. will you do this work for me?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!

Q. why do you look like you havent showered in a week?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!

Q. why are you late to class?
E. Im a bengali
I. its hard to keep track of time with a big heavy bloodline in your veins

hmmmm.......

I could do this all day and all night long..........and it still wont decrease its excusing value

Q. why did you eat that week old food?
E. Im a bengali
I. we shall eat anything(that which doesnt kill you, makes you stronger)

Q. are you underage for this movie/club/drink?
E. Im a bengali
I. I SOOOO wanna see this A-rated movie/sexy people in skimpy clothes/jug of beer inside me

Q. are you drunk?
E. Im a bengali
I. *gulp gulp

Q. why do you hate the world?
E. Im a bengali
I. that means, I hate you too

Q. why are you so awesome?
E. Im a bengali
I. woohoooo


wow.
just wow.

Q. you know that you'll fail if you continue like this.........dont you?
E. Im a bengali
I. it doesnt matter, pass or fail, I'll still be a bengali......so I atleast get to work at the sweetshop next doors for free food

Q. why are you sleeping all the time?
E. Im a bengali
I. Zzzzzzzz

Q. will you donate some blood?
E. Im a bengali
I. Ive got blue blood

Q. do you have money?
E. Im a bengali
I. Im broke

HA!
there you go.
my friends, THAT is THE shit of all the shitload of excuses

feel free to use my discovery to your advantage(you can lie that youre a bengali)

Lesson learned: my ancestors have been everywhere where I could have gone, done everything better than I could have, done crazier shit than I can imagine to, AND also have been more mediocre and average than I have

Dammit!


P.S. also, comment, and leave your own Q.E.I.s for using this excuse

P.P.S. Jiggs, if youre reading this, UNBLOCK your blog.......Im addicted to that morning coffee freshness of your writing now


Q. isnt this supposed to come before the P.Ss and P.P.Ss?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye! f*ck off

Q. why am I posting this at 4 am?
E. Im a bengali
I. mind your own business and circadian rhythm!