Case history of AGWA

due to popular demand(and due to the presence of royalty on my blog)

I shall be presenting a case history on AGWA
(for all you non medical people, here is your chance of having a peek on how we med students present cases to our teachers(keep an ear out next time you fall sick)) (for all medical students- kill me, I let some details off, because they didnt fit......this is MY blog, not yours)

Name: Anonymous girl with attitude(AGWA)
Age: 20's
Sex: yes please!
Occupation: occupied
Address: doesnt give one (can be traced)

patient is conscious and cooperative

Chief Complaints:
inability to fall asleep, short-sightedness, dark circles, feels the world is worthless, lack of appreciation - since 6 years
she also complains of too many crappy bloggers in blogosphere with not enough good ones having "spunk"

History Of Presenting Illness:

patient complains of having all these complaints since 6 years ago when she discovered the existence of the computer world(Acute onset??) . she says she sometimes feels that it calls her to it and that whenever she tries to leave it, she feels depressed and lonely without it(withdrawal syndrome??)

she complains of inability to fall asleep since one day after she found out the comp, and also suggests that this may possibly be related to the 20 something cups of coffee she has while surfing the net

she also complains of severe short sightedness and dark circles under her eyes since a day after, and hints that her staring at the screen from 2 mm apart may possibly have something to do with it

feeling of superiority and lack of appreciation started appearing after the 3rd day of starting symptoms. she says that this may possibly be due to the fact that she writes awesomely, and the rest are all "junk"

she started feeling the lack of "spunk" since the time some anonymous "jerk" wrote that word in her blog, this may also be somehow related to the time when she was a little girl and a dog barked on her even AFTER she gave it a cookie

Past history:
AGWA was relatively normal until she had an anonymous comment criticising her on her blog
she then completely burst up, and said that the world will see its first superhero with the power to destroy cyberlives
AGWA rose to fame when she made the world's first anonymous con on an unsuspecting blogger who tried to flirt with her, by inviting everyone to a party and ignoring the said young prankster.
she made this into her modus operandi after that and uptil now has destroyed the cyberlives of thousands and shattered the ego of tens of thousands
AGWA was awarded the anonymous blogger of the year award in 2002 and has since been retaining the trophy each year

Medical History:no significant history

Drug history: definitely(caffeine)

Family history: no one else of her family or friends spend as much time on the comp as she does

Personal history: wont tell

Differential Diagnosis: there is NO differential for AGWA!!!! she's one of a kind

General Physical examination: wont let me do it

Systemic examination: as IF

Further Manangement: stay clear of her as long as your cyberheart is beating, also, try to grow some spunk

welcome

I know why youre here

youre here to read about me making fun of myself for YOUR entertainment on my blog!

but today, things will change

I wont make fun of myself on my blog anymore today

I shall make fun of myself on SOMEONE ELSE'S blog

here's the link

http://may-i-live-happily-ever-after.blogspot.com/2008/10/guest-blogger-deluded.html

dont be lazy.........leave some comments!!

and if youre wondering..who that hot girl writing so excellently is.......she's Ki(I think thats a buddhist name which means life....or something like that)

please dont bookmark HER page, when you havent bookmarked mine!!!
ie. if you bookmark her, then bookmark me too!

.
that was pathetic.

*sob
I no longer have even my own cyberspace to go sob in

plagiarism!

hey you guys

my mood isnt too good right now

thats because Ive been copied
the imaginative self sustaining genius that you all know has been copied

let me show you two poems:

this is the FAKE COPIED VERSION:

GONE-

I held a crystal in my hand,
So perfect and sparklingly clear...
With a sweep of a hand
Broken, shattered into pieces...

I held a diamond in my hand,
A perfect cut,
So beautiful...
In an instant, snatched away...

I held a rose in my hand,
With petals so delicate and fragrance so sweet...
Days passed, its petals turned brown
One by one, they fell to the ground...

Life is consistently inconsistent,
Nothing definite...
With a snap of a finger, everything stops
In a blink of an eye, everything's gone


isnt that SOO fake and unimaginative???

right?? right???




THIS is my original super AWESOME version.....



GONER-

I held a crystal in my hand
I held a diamond in my hand
I held a rose in my hand

no I do not have 3 hands
the crystal and the diamond were in the same hand

I sold the crystal
I sold the diamond

I got rich and asked a girl out for dinner
I gave her the rose in my hand
I got slapped in in the end

ah well
life is crap
nothing good.....
With a snap of a finger, everything stops
with a slap of hand, my reputation drops

you guys!!!
you've got to help me

please
the next time you see this author's[some guy named MDK] books......dont read his stuff
(apparently, while I only publish posts, HE has gone and publised a book)
and the next time you see this author....take his autograph and then tell him that he writes bad poetry.....

so help me, yeah?



P.S. I hope I dont get a lawsuit because of this ;)

Praise to the lord

have you ever had really deep questions pop into your minds?

I generally do

like.....

why are all the ceilings of all rooms painted with very light colors? (no answers to that one yet)

why does salman khan always take his shirts off? (is he a naturalist?)

why did that girl slap me after I asked her what PMS meant? (do you know?)

why do they call a burrito a burrito? (does that not sound vulgar to you?)

why is there no space time difference if you accelerate a tachyon?

why am I a genius of such epic proportions?
..........

yeah, I made up all of those.....except the last 2 ones

so lately Ive been thinking

what does one need the most in life?

have you ever thought that?what do you think is the answer?

if I get more than one reply to this
then I will post the shocking conclusion that I reached

one of my wierd surveys

yeah I do surveys
weird ones

and nobody pays me
its just out of curiosity

so now me and one of my friends have just concluded one such thing(comprising of a crowd of 150 medical students)

the surprising results

Most Frequently Asked Question(MFAQ) by a non medical GUY to a medical GUY is always related to shagging

MFAQ by a non medical GAL to a medical GAL is always related to menstrual cycles and their variations

MFAQ by a non medical GUY to a medical GAL(except of course, their numbers) is 'I have a fever, what do I take?'(or some other common ailment)

MFAQ by a non medical GAL to a medical GUY is 'I have a fever, what do I take?'(or some other common ailment)

yeah
gender gap still rules

memories of ragging (from 1st year)

I remember it like it was an hour ago.

the terror of the seniors.
the horror of being caught by one.

I remember
I had a tight schedule-
wake up(7 50), scratch my butt, mentally punch my roommate for his loud devotional singing in the morning, brush my teeth,dress up(I wish it was more like an engineering class- where you could go to college in shorts), go to class(8 00)(notice the absence of the routine morning bathroom rituals)(also any breakfast), come back(10 00), shit, wash face(bathing optional) go back for practicals(still nothing in my stomach), go to mess directly in groups of 20 and pray to god no senior catches you(12 30), try to sleep, dissection at 2, come back to room at 5, sleep and lose track of time. wake up. go to mess(this time accompanied by a anti-ragging security guard aptly named 'doberman '), get jeered at by everyone, come back to hostel, watch movies till 3 am, and sleep while one is still running.

yup. it was pretty hectic.

also did I mention the "freshers dress code" put on us by the 2nd years?
formal shirt(buttoned up to the collar), formal pants(without belt), black leather shoes(without shoe laces) and hair cut till 1 mm from the scalp(KMC 1-even the barbers knew the code)........yeah it was easy to spot us from a mile away(the point exactly)

anyways....off to some of my ragging experiences

the seniors would make ingenious ways to make us embarrass ourselves in public, however the most intensive things would be done in private.

senior: did you pass nursery?
me: (thinking its a trick question).... yes sir
s: so did you learn any nursery rhymes?
m: yes sir
s: which ones?
m: mmm....all the normal ones(1st mistake)
s: normal? then what are the abnormal ones?
m: stuttering........all of them are normal sir
s: then why do you call it normal?
m: (totally confused now) I didnt mean that.....sorry sir
s: ok, ok do you remember the story of the thirsty crow?
m: kind of
s: there's no "kind of" in medicine, is it a yes or a no?
m: yesss sir
s: good. narrate it to me in short sentences. and remember it word to word. I will ask you to repeat it.
m: ok sir(I know Im a goner now)
m: there was a crow. he was thirsty. then he saw a pot. the pot was half filled with water. the crow couldn't drink the water that way. so he found a pile of stones. and he picked up those stones. then he started to put the stones into the pot one by one. the pot started filling until his beak could reach the water. then he drank the water. and he flew away happily.
s: good story
s: ok, now repeat it with one modification
m(waiting with bated breath)
s: after each sentence add the words 'in my ass'
m: silence
s: do it!

the rest as you know is history.

My first dancing lesson:

s: do you know how to dance?
m: (gulp) sorry sir, no sir
s: ok, I will teach you
m: ok sir
s: have you ever seen a person making jalebi?(its a spiral thing like sweet specific to north india)
m: yes sir
s: ok, now move your hands as if you are making a jalebi
I do it
s: now move your legs like that(in a circular motion)
I do it
s: now move your ass like that
I do it
s: now do those simultaneously(try it is my advice to see the result)
I do it
s: good, now you know how to dance.

the simplicity of it all!

ah! good old first year.

forensick medicine

ever thought that all forensics staff are perverts?
well Im probably not alone when I say this.

they just HAVE to be perverts.
I mean what do you expect? just see any textbook of forensics and open the chapter sexual offences .....you'll see what I mean.

the HOD for example took our classes on it.
and by god was it a learning experience.

you learn about how people think dressing up as a person of the opposite sex is erotic...wierd but I'll allow it
but how can anyone even imagine stuff like pee and shit to be that?
and then you learn new terms like catamite and bagpiping(yukk)

anyways
now comes the reason why I started the post.

sessional exams are going around right now.
just gave the forensics practical. and the viva.

now this prof. must be totally addicted to sex......because he kept asking me to define one sexual offence after another........and there I go using up all of my imagination for it.
and all my answers stared the same way.....sir, when a person derives sexual pleasure by blah blah blah.

the best one was when he asked me what a catamite is(google it if you want)
my reply-
sir, when you sodomise a young child that child is called a catamite

it was only when the two PGs sitting nearby started to laugh that I realized my faux pas......

of course it was unintentional so he let me off......

or was it? ;)