memories of ragging (from 1st year)

I remember it like it was an hour ago.

the terror of the seniors.
the horror of being caught by one.

I remember
I had a tight schedule-
wake up(7 50), scratch my butt, mentally punch my roommate for his loud devotional singing in the morning, brush my teeth,dress up(I wish it was more like an engineering class- where you could go to college in shorts), go to class(8 00)(notice the absence of the routine morning bathroom rituals)(also any breakfast), come back(10 00), shit, wash face(bathing optional) go back for practicals(still nothing in my stomach), go to mess directly in groups of 20 and pray to god no senior catches you(12 30), try to sleep, dissection at 2, come back to room at 5, sleep and lose track of time. wake up. go to mess(this time accompanied by a anti-ragging security guard aptly named 'doberman '), get jeered at by everyone, come back to hostel, watch movies till 3 am, and sleep while one is still running.

yup. it was pretty hectic.

also did I mention the "freshers dress code" put on us by the 2nd years?
formal shirt(buttoned up to the collar), formal pants(without belt), black leather shoes(without shoe laces) and hair cut till 1 mm from the scalp(KMC 1-even the barbers knew the code)........yeah it was easy to spot us from a mile away(the point exactly)

anyways....off to some of my ragging experiences

the seniors would make ingenious ways to make us embarrass ourselves in public, however the most intensive things would be done in private.

senior: did you pass nursery?
me: (thinking its a trick question).... yes sir
s: so did you learn any nursery rhymes?
m: yes sir
s: which ones?
m: mmm....all the normal ones(1st mistake)
s: normal? then what are the abnormal ones?
m: stuttering........all of them are normal sir
s: then why do you call it normal?
m: (totally confused now) I didnt mean that.....sorry sir
s: ok, ok do you remember the story of the thirsty crow?
m: kind of
s: there's no "kind of" in medicine, is it a yes or a no?
m: yesss sir
s: good. narrate it to me in short sentences. and remember it word to word. I will ask you to repeat it.
m: ok sir(I know Im a goner now)
m: there was a crow. he was thirsty. then he saw a pot. the pot was half filled with water. the crow couldn't drink the water that way. so he found a pile of stones. and he picked up those stones. then he started to put the stones into the pot one by one. the pot started filling until his beak could reach the water. then he drank the water. and he flew away happily.
s: good story
s: ok, now repeat it with one modification
m(waiting with bated breath)
s: after each sentence add the words 'in my ass'
m: silence
s: do it!

the rest as you know is history.

My first dancing lesson:

s: do you know how to dance?
m: (gulp) sorry sir, no sir
s: ok, I will teach you
m: ok sir
s: have you ever seen a person making jalebi?(its a spiral thing like sweet specific to north india)
m: yes sir
s: ok, now move your hands as if you are making a jalebi
I do it
s: now move your legs like that(in a circular motion)
I do it
s: now move your ass like that
I do it
s: now do those simultaneously(try it is my advice to see the result)
I do it
s: good, now you know how to dance.

the simplicity of it all!

ah! good old first year.

forensick medicine

ever thought that all forensics staff are perverts?
well Im probably not alone when I say this.

they just HAVE to be perverts.
I mean what do you expect? just see any textbook of forensics and open the chapter sexual offences .....you'll see what I mean.

the HOD for example took our classes on it.
and by god was it a learning experience.

you learn about how people think dressing up as a person of the opposite sex is erotic...wierd but I'll allow it
but how can anyone even imagine stuff like pee and shit to be that?
and then you learn new terms like catamite and bagpiping(yukk)

anyways
now comes the reason why I started the post.

sessional exams are going around right now.
just gave the forensics practical. and the viva.

now this prof. must be totally addicted to sex......because he kept asking me to define one sexual offence after another........and there I go using up all of my imagination for it.
and all my answers stared the same way.....sir, when a person derives sexual pleasure by blah blah blah.

the best one was when he asked me what a catamite is(google it if you want)
my reply-
sir, when you sodomise a young child that child is called a catamite

it was only when the two PGs sitting nearby started to laugh that I realized my faux pas......

of course it was unintentional so he let me off......

or was it? ;)

my dhobi--The Sadist!

I woke up.
I was pitifully late for class.
brushed my teeth, brushed my hair....
quickly changed
forensics! have to wear formal or no attendance!
only one clean set of clothes left
got the shirt on
just getting the pants on and shit......... its button is already shattered into pieces
there goes another morning class of mine

which of course made me write this blog.

All dhobis are sadists
I mean right now during hostel life, specially in the medical line (the engineering ones are mostly crap.......you can wear even shorts and t shirts to class) its a big thing
a dirty labcoat can get you thrown out of class(damn those profs....why dont they get a life)

so I have had experiences with quite a few dhobis

with the first one, it was that the clothes came back dirties than when I gave it to him......and by got are the clothes dirty when I get through with them
so I had to start washing my own clothes

then there was a brief stint with one who claimed he dry cleaned the clothes
well the clothes were clean and all
but cant you learn to iron(why do we call it press????) them?

and now the latest of the trilogy has appeared
the button tearer
ok....now I get if you accidentally tear the button off
but how the hell can anyone break it into 4 pieces every time?
and getting buttons is so hard here

now imagine the kind of lifestyles that these 3 dhobis have, by the way they treat clothes

no 1. god knows mate......he's dirtier than me for sure, maybe he wears my stuff after Im done with them, or maybe he uses a rock for a detergent(there are other things but those are to gross for me to put here)

no.2 leads the most unorganised life, and has the most unkempt hair Ive seen

no.3 the sadist................do i need to say anything?

now Im looking for dhobi no.4
theres already small piles of clothes all over m room

Today !

yeah
we're having an inter batch college fest right now
and as usual I deemed it pretty boring to participate or attend

well it was microbiology class and I was bored
so anyways I was looking at the events later in the day
and there I saw a poetry recitation competition on the topic - "today"

and so I entered in it
now it didnt win(the proffs are not yet THAT open)
but it did open some mouths wide and turn some heads

now as you expect most ppl would write about....something like the changing past....tomorrow......boring stuff like that
this is my version.........(Uncensored)

TODAY


there was a girl
she had a crush
there was a boy
he wanted an adrenaline rush
one day they hooked up
there was magic in the air
they had chemistry
they had something on their minds
as the evening progressed
they had more and more fun
and he said that, 'the good times are yet to begin'

but then at night, something unexpected happened
she wanted protection
she asked if he had 'it'
but he didnt
so the boy went off
she cried all night
she used to feel miserable
she used to say there's no tomorrow

but then one day
she was watching TV
she was surfing the channels
she stopped at channel V
and suddenly she saw something special
a ray of hope in an Ad
and old filmstar singing and dancing
and then she said the magic words
"to save tomorrow, use "today" "

the girl was happy
she had found her answer
she knew the boy would come back now
because
"today" is the best contraceptive in India
"today" has the least side effects
its easy to insert
and it doesnt even hurt
there's no pain, there's just gain
dont have to use a condom
dont have to feel lame
"today" is the best player of the game




......

for the uninitiated, 'today' is a brand of spermicidal sponge marketed in India by the Govt.

end of the line

I tried the 20 things but not all
but yeah I did fall short of target

and I had fun
my promise to myelf..... I shall no longer have a boring med life

bleak power

yes
the plan was good but the execution imperfect
and also a lot of people have a problem with me wearing my shoes on the opposite feet
oh well I'll try that later in a more conducive environment I guess(means in college)
next on the list is one that seems simple but is very hard for me to actually do
give my bro mom and dad a hug without any reason
going to try that now
others on my list of twenty are
drink 20 glasses of water in an hour
eat twenty samosas at one go

lets see hmmm?

teen spirit!

lately it came to my mind that I'll be out of my teens in 2 more months
and then I started thinking that there are so many things that I wanted to do in my teenhood but couldnt!
and so I have made a list of things that I should do before I turn twenty

my first was to run around just in my undies in the middle of the night(its winter and it was about 13 degrees celsius at that time) on my roof

and thus checkpoint one completed

it really is cold here right now and it did take a lot of willpower to take off my clothes but still..... I did it

today I'll be doing my second thing
that is spend a whole day wearing my shoes on the wrong foot