OH. MY. GOD.

this is a notice to:

bhagwaan, god, jesus, allah, FSM.....................and the rest

I am henceforth denying any of your existence

Ive been brainwashed for a long time.......and now I finally understand

I can see the truth

none of you actually exist





the real god is-



CALCIUM






my new motto:

love, fame, money..........youth doesnt need such things. Its calcium. As long as there is calcium, everything will be alright.



what are all of you gasping about?

just think about it........

what are all the things that you have heard about the 'great one'?


1. he is everywhere.......even within ourselves
A: calcium

2. he decides our lives.......we cannot live without him
A: calcium

3. he shall smite you from within
A: pathologic calcification

4. it is he that keeps us happy
A: calcium

5. if he is not there.........we shall feel helpless, sad, alone
A: calcium deficiency


just think about it
everything that you have EVER heard about the wise one.............it all points to one god.......................the calcium god

I shall henceforth, start spreading the actual TRUE religion to the world
it shall be the most AWESOME religion of this world
and it shall sweep the whole world

I shall call it- CALCISM

join it.......before the calcium god decides to smite you from within(you'll die from pathologic calcification)

profile: calcism

current spiritual guru: Dhongi baba

current number of followers: 1

looking for: more followers, and money

latest teaching given by the avatar:

if you feel hungry. eat
if you feel thirsty. drink
if you wear glasses. look intelligent



P.S. 5th semester sessionals, I deny your existence too

P.P.S. you also, madam president.(so does most of India)YOU dont look too lively anyway

one of the BEST all time excuses

my dear female and male readers
(hi mom! hi dad!)

I have not yet found the perfect excuse.....the one that can get you out of ANY situation

however

Ive found the next best thing

and UNFORTUNATELY for those of the less gifted people out there,

it.

is.

a.

bloodline.


It is-

hold your breath



.


.


Im a bengali.




Question. why are you always so lazy?
Excuse. Im a bengali
Implied. all bengalis are lazy


Q. will you do this work for me?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!

Q. why do you look like you havent showered in a week?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!

Q. why are you late to class?
E. Im a bengali
I. its hard to keep track of time with a big heavy bloodline in your veins

hmmmm.......

I could do this all day and all night long..........and it still wont decrease its excusing value

Q. why did you eat that week old food?
E. Im a bengali
I. we shall eat anything(that which doesnt kill you, makes you stronger)

Q. are you underage for this movie/club/drink?
E. Im a bengali
I. I SOOOO wanna see this A-rated movie/sexy people in skimpy clothes/jug of beer inside me

Q. are you drunk?
E. Im a bengali
I. *gulp gulp

Q. why do you hate the world?
E. Im a bengali
I. that means, I hate you too

Q. why are you so awesome?
E. Im a bengali
I. woohoooo


wow.
just wow.

Q. you know that you'll fail if you continue like this.........dont you?
E. Im a bengali
I. it doesnt matter, pass or fail, I'll still be a bengali......so I atleast get to work at the sweetshop next doors for free food

Q. why are you sleeping all the time?
E. Im a bengali
I. Zzzzzzzz

Q. will you donate some blood?
E. Im a bengali
I. Ive got blue blood

Q. do you have money?
E. Im a bengali
I. Im broke

HA!
there you go.
my friends, THAT is THE shit of all the shitload of excuses

feel free to use my discovery to your advantage(you can lie that youre a bengali)

Lesson learned: my ancestors have been everywhere where I could have gone, done everything better than I could have, done crazier shit than I can imagine to, AND also have been more mediocre and average than I have

Dammit!


P.S. also, comment, and leave your own Q.E.I.s for using this excuse

P.P.S. Jiggs, if youre reading this, UNBLOCK your blog.......Im addicted to that morning coffee freshness of your writing now


Q. isnt this supposed to come before the P.Ss and P.P.Ss?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye! f*ck off

Q. why am I posting this at 4 am?
E. Im a bengali
I. mind your own business and circadian rhythm!

sometimes, some words just make sense

isnt life so sad when all you do is live?

youre still careless, young nd helpless....
disappearing into a hollow void.
now, having witnessed sadness you should never have seen
crying tears that should have remained dry.
we may not be tough enough to live on truth alone,
but you know, we dont need to be.





p.s. ten points to the one who figures out where I got this from WITHOUT searching for it

p.p.s NO, I will not be making a parody of this.......its too much sense to make into nonsense

guest post: Ki

Random thoughts about writing plus a tribute to Deluded:


Writing itself, to me, can sometimes be quite an effort. There are times when the words flow effortlessly, but at times I'm left hunting for words or tearing my hair out over a sentence that doesn't sound right. Then why do I write? As there could be nothing that can make you think, feel, express yourself AND lose yourself in it all at the same time than good writing.

Someone told me recently - "Your writing's like a 5 year old's. It has no style, no texture, no technique." I was quite annoyed, who wouldn't be? But when I went back and looked at my posts with a different perspective. Yes, they're not very eloquent, meaningful, moving etc. But hey, it brings out what I'm feeling in the best way I know how. My writing's a little piece of me. I wish I could sound deep, intense, worldly. But I guess I can offer just about a little honesty.

Which brings me (finally!) to Deluded. Or did he want me to go 'De-dude-d' like Express did?! ANYWAY, his writing has a nice balance - it's brilliant in so many ways, yet so simple. He has that honesty too but in a fun way!

He has this knack for bringing out things that will have you pondering in the funniest way ever. It's so easy to relate to his writing! Everytime I read something he writes, I go - "Hey! ME TOO! Why didn't I think of that?"

But it's not that easy. We can't all be AS smart now, can we? Or even as good looking or as popular? (YES! He did pay me for writing that last bit. Or atleast he will. :P) But seriously, this blog is one of my favourites. Every post makes me smile and I hope that the blog and Deluded's writing goes a long way. :)
As does his dream of being a doctor 'who earns a lot'. AND the one about 'getting, drunk, getting high and getting laid' to quote the great man himself. :P

And since I've done too much tareef, a mention of 'girly things' should nullify that, no? So here goes - "love, amazing, sweet, clothes, phone and wedding" words that Deluded thinks girls included in EVERY testimonial. Well, so be it baby, SO BE IT. :)

5th semester- end sem exams

random conversations in these troubled days

day before the exam-


friend: how goes?
me: there was a pole up my ass in the morning, in the afternoon a bus went in, now there's a whole circus in there
friend: ......
me: i think the whole continent of australia might fit in tommorow


random person: lets just get this over with quickly, Im so used to it now that I dont even need painkillers

random person: whats the use? is there really any use at all? f**king sadists!

morning of the exam-

friend: a guy, in the morning, eating without brushing...........thats the sign that says exams are going on

friend: no use taking a dump now, I'll take it in the evening......it'll be much easier then

5 mins before the exam-


random person: look! hot girl

.....50 guys turn simultaneously


after the exam is over

random guy1: I thought that only I would get r*ped today.
random guy2: en masse my friend, en masse

guy1: I hate microbiology.........they f**k me every single time
guy2: I hate forensics........they r*ped me today as well
guy1: wait.........wasnt today the micro paper?
guy2: oh.
guy1: ........
guy2: so THATs why I thought that most of the paper was out of course

random engg guy1: wanna get drunk?
random engg guy2: no.......Ive got studies
random engg guy1: you sound like a medical student
random engg guy2: yup.......lets go get drunk

random med guy overhearing: I wish.......

Ki: so....have you decided what kind of doctor you want to become?
me: yes, Ive given it a lot of thought, and Ive come to the conclusion that I want to become a doctor who earns a lot of money

friend: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle all the way..........santa claus just came to town and f**ked me ALL the way

me: more than 20 mins of online time on facebook makes a guy gay

Guest post: Divinediu

divinediu meets deluded


............................And divinediu gets dher saara homemade chocolate!! Yum!


Well, I had just set up a blog and was browsing through blogger profiles. I come across this-

deluded
interests:
everything except studies (specially the mind boggling heavier-than-thou medical books)

I had to take a peek. And I find his Memories of ragging from 1st year post which is SO funny. I was laughing. Like crazy.
Re reading. Laughing.
And again.
Yet again.
Yeah, imma little cuckoo like that. But you just read the post, you'll totally understand what I'm talking about! (Mum came in and saw there was no phone in my hand and me laughing and was kinda worried, but that's another story!!)

He was the first one to comment as well. So saying that he inspired me to write, wouldn't be wrong, right? ;)
(Now you've got to decide if that is good or bad!)

He cracks you up. You've read his stuff. You know. :)
Sarcasm. Acid dripping sarcasm, most of it.
Not the boring, silly, pathetic, childish PJs you get to hear from people, mostly.

He cares.
He has put up with a lot of my crap.. A lot of it, believe me. I haven't even put my best friend through such shit. :P
And he handled it amazingly well. I couldn't have done better!
Heck! I'd have sucked big time, myself!!
When was down, he spammed my blog. Sweet or what?? :)

He asks you questions.
Thousands of them. No, strike that. BIZILLIONS of them.
One. Great.
Two. Fine.
Three. Good
Four.
Five.
Six- and I go aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's like throwing china at you. You HAVE to catch em. Quick!!
ARGH!!
I don't like that kind of pressure!! :P
Well, again, the good thing is I can tell him that I don't want to answer questions no more! :)

He doesn't sleep. I don't know why. I still don't get why people like orkut so much either.
Take any random odd hour of the day. Deluded is awake. You bet.

He is sweet. Damn sweet.
How? Yesterday, he shaved. (Yeah, that's worth mentioning like twenty more times!!)
Oh, what the heck! I will say it 20 more times!!
He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved. :P
That sounded so retarded, but anyway....
He also brought me a whole load of the homemade chocolates!

There you go, deluded. Your guest post. The first one you're getting and I'm so happy to be writing this for you. :)

Oh yeah. I almost forgot!
Cars. Bikes. Beards. Anger. Dirty nails(?). Sports shoes. Skulls. Spiders. Violence. Non vegetarianism.
Idk. I included all that so that would nullify the girliness in this post. Since you seem to have some sort of an allergy to that. ;)

Case history of AGWA

due to popular demand(and due to the presence of royalty on my blog)

I shall be presenting a case history on AGWA
(for all you non medical people, here is your chance of having a peek on how we med students present cases to our teachers(keep an ear out next time you fall sick)) (for all medical students- kill me, I let some details off, because they didnt fit......this is MY blog, not yours)

Name: Anonymous girl with attitude(AGWA)
Age: 20's
Sex: yes please!
Occupation: occupied
Address: doesnt give one (can be traced)

patient is conscious and cooperative

Chief Complaints:
inability to fall asleep, short-sightedness, dark circles, feels the world is worthless, lack of appreciation - since 6 years
she also complains of too many crappy bloggers in blogosphere with not enough good ones having "spunk"

History Of Presenting Illness:

patient complains of having all these complaints since 6 years ago when she discovered the existence of the computer world(Acute onset??) . she says she sometimes feels that it calls her to it and that whenever she tries to leave it, she feels depressed and lonely without it(withdrawal syndrome??)

she complains of inability to fall asleep since one day after she found out the comp, and also suggests that this may possibly be related to the 20 something cups of coffee she has while surfing the net

she also complains of severe short sightedness and dark circles under her eyes since a day after, and hints that her staring at the screen from 2 mm apart may possibly have something to do with it

feeling of superiority and lack of appreciation started appearing after the 3rd day of starting symptoms. she says that this may possibly be due to the fact that she writes awesomely, and the rest are all "junk"

she started feeling the lack of "spunk" since the time some anonymous "jerk" wrote that word in her blog, this may also be somehow related to the time when she was a little girl and a dog barked on her even AFTER she gave it a cookie

Past history:
AGWA was relatively normal until she had an anonymous comment criticising her on her blog
she then completely burst up, and said that the world will see its first superhero with the power to destroy cyberlives
AGWA rose to fame when she made the world's first anonymous con on an unsuspecting blogger who tried to flirt with her, by inviting everyone to a party and ignoring the said young prankster.
she made this into her modus operandi after that and uptil now has destroyed the cyberlives of thousands and shattered the ego of tens of thousands
AGWA was awarded the anonymous blogger of the year award in 2002 and has since been retaining the trophy each year

Medical History:no significant history

Drug history: definitely(caffeine)

Family history: no one else of her family or friends spend as much time on the comp as she does

Personal history: wont tell

Differential Diagnosis: there is NO differential for AGWA!!!! she's one of a kind

General Physical examination: wont let me do it

Systemic examination: as IF

Further Manangement: stay clear of her as long as your cyberheart is beating, also, try to grow some spunk

welcome

I know why youre here

youre here to read about me making fun of myself for YOUR entertainment on my blog!

but today, things will change

I wont make fun of myself on my blog anymore today

I shall make fun of myself on SOMEONE ELSE'S blog

here's the link

http://may-i-live-happily-ever-after.blogspot.com/2008/10/guest-blogger-deluded.html

dont be lazy.........leave some comments!!

and if youre wondering..who that hot girl writing so excellently is.......she's Ki(I think thats a buddhist name which means life....or something like that)

please dont bookmark HER page, when you havent bookmarked mine!!!
ie. if you bookmark her, then bookmark me too!

.
that was pathetic.

*sob
I no longer have even my own cyberspace to go sob in

plagiarism!

hey you guys

my mood isnt too good right now

thats because Ive been copied
the imaginative self sustaining genius that you all know has been copied

let me show you two poems:

this is the FAKE COPIED VERSION:

GONE-

I held a crystal in my hand,
So perfect and sparklingly clear...
With a sweep of a hand
Broken, shattered into pieces...

I held a diamond in my hand,
A perfect cut,
So beautiful...
In an instant, snatched away...

I held a rose in my hand,
With petals so delicate and fragrance so sweet...
Days passed, its petals turned brown
One by one, they fell to the ground...

Life is consistently inconsistent,
Nothing definite...
With a snap of a finger, everything stops
In a blink of an eye, everything's gone


isnt that SOO fake and unimaginative???

right?? right???




THIS is my original super AWESOME version.....



GONER-

I held a crystal in my hand
I held a diamond in my hand
I held a rose in my hand

no I do not have 3 hands
the crystal and the diamond were in the same hand

I sold the crystal
I sold the diamond

I got rich and asked a girl out for dinner
I gave her the rose in my hand
I got slapped in in the end

ah well
life is crap
nothing good.....
With a snap of a finger, everything stops
with a slap of hand, my reputation drops

you guys!!!
you've got to help me

please
the next time you see this author's[some guy named MDK] books......dont read his stuff
(apparently, while I only publish posts, HE has gone and publised a book)
and the next time you see this author....take his autograph and then tell him that he writes bad poetry.....

so help me, yeah?



P.S. I hope I dont get a lawsuit because of this ;)

Praise to the lord

have you ever had really deep questions pop into your minds?

I generally do

like.....

why are all the ceilings of all rooms painted with very light colors? (no answers to that one yet)

why does salman khan always take his shirts off? (is he a naturalist?)

why did that girl slap me after I asked her what PMS meant? (do you know?)

why do they call a burrito a burrito? (does that not sound vulgar to you?)

why is there no space time difference if you accelerate a tachyon?

why am I a genius of such epic proportions?
..........

yeah, I made up all of those.....except the last 2 ones

so lately Ive been thinking

what does one need the most in life?

have you ever thought that?what do you think is the answer?

if I get more than one reply to this
then I will post the shocking conclusion that I reached