why dont you go f*ck yourself !

no.

I dont mean you.

thats my message to 2008

this was almost the worst ending for the worst ever year Ive had.

that includes the mafioso being after me and my friend because we peed on their boss's favorite potted plant(couldnt help it! too much water in our system) and the aliens invading the earth and the indian politics.
they didnt?

whats ramadoss then??

yup. Im getting old.

oh, and Im getting you zero cakes, new year, the big 'o' treatment for you.

anyway,

I, at least, should try and confuse myself.

did that make sense? no? youre confused.

back to the post,

"he was really, just a normal guy. He hadnt ever done anything out of the ordinary. not yet. not ever, he thought. but then, that didnt matter. all he wanted was to get into college, and he had managed that, although barely. Now all he wanted was to get a low paying job, get a wife,kids and then perhaps when he would turn 45, middle-age crisis or some shit like that. because isnt that normal?

20 years he had spent. not doing what he wanted, but doing what was normal. fitting in, as his mother said. but then again, he argued with himself, all that he ever wanted was to be normal. and that much, he had achieved with a huge success.

but then, isnt it normal to have some aim in life? something to think about? something to live for? something to work your ass off? said an inner voice deep inside him. he had seen the kind. some were in love. some were into sports. some into studies. some were just passionate about anything really. passion. thats what youre missing. he thought. yet, he had never been fired up about anything. but he thought he WAS special. once, he had seen some object, something bright, which no one else could see.

then, one day. he saw that 'thing' again. he saw it on the roof of the library. but as soon as he ran up, there was nothing.2 days he spent, trying to search it out. you look strange, said his roommate. a week went by, and he was still searching. you seem engrossed in something else, said his best friend. 2 weeks. youre strangely happy, said the strange girl who sat with him in class.

but everything else, almost didnt even register in his mind. they didnt even matter. he was fascinated. by that brightness. nothing else was brighter. not even the sun. and only he could see it. somehow only he had seen it. nobody else would even understand, what he was going through. he was alone in this. but, he wasnt lonely. this feeling was different. from everything he had felt before.

one day, he finally spotted it. it glided along a deserted road. he had been here before, he realised. but everything seemed so different in that strange strange light. everything was no longer mediocre. each tree, each house, each bug, each spot on the road........they were all mysterious. and beautiful. his head was swarming with questions. things he had never thought before. which house was that? what shape was that flower? why do they call it end point? lots. lots. lots.

but the most fascinating thing, was floating away. he ran at top speed. but he could never really catch up. then suddenly, it stopped. he screamed, jumped up, lunged at it. he finally had it in his hands. this moment, is the most wonderful in my life. he thought. and then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it vanished. he felt wind on his face. realised he was falling. but it didnt really register. all he felt was sadness. for losing the thing. for losing that special part that he had discovered inside himself. it was great while it lasted. was his last thought.


they found him 3 days later. his glassy eyes were open. his lips curled in a half smile. he seemed sad. he seemed happy. he seemed amused. all at once.

even though he fell 20 feet. there were no external injuries, they reported. they couldnt figure out why he died. it was as if, he suddenly decided he had had enough, given up and died."







but then, isnt that how chasing a dream is like?

My mystery girl

mangalore to chennai......9 pm to 3 pm
it was going to be one HUGELY boring train journey, I thought. Lucky I brought insurance heh?
mobile-check
mobile with a kickass memory card-check
kickass songs in the memory card-check
laptop-check
laptop with kickass movies I havent seen-check
charge point for the low battery its showing -check

wait.
somethings wrong.......

its occupied by someone else's charger

some bloody-old-fart-who-doesnt-even-know-what-a..........wait.....NOT

hot girl-CHECK!!!!
hot girl sitting next to me-check!

woohooo!

she turned, looked up at me, said, 'oh, hi' and reached out.
we shook hands.
I took a good look at her as she sat on the brown seat
chocolate brown-she insisted
shitty brown,perhaps?-I ventured
how about shitty chocolate brown-she said

cheesy. I know*. but somehow I found it funny. laughed. hadnt laughed since god-knows-a-week. felt good. this is going to be sweeeeeeeet.thought I

we started talking.
9 pm, 10 pm, 11pm, 12.......3 am

suddenly realised I hadnt had dinner. neither did she.
6 packs of chips, 2 bottles of pepsi, 1 movie and 2 hours later, she suddenly

said - we're the same frequency, you know?' Agreed.

she sang, I air guitared....to......you know......my favourite song.....which

INCIDENTALLY turned out to be hers too. same frequency. def. def. def.

we even did whats customary......
sat at the footboard of the compartment, legs swinging
watching the sun rise from a moving train.
ever did that? its awesome.

yup.
we shared stuff. lots. lots lots.
dreams, hopes, futures, food, the same blanket, everything.

I even promised her I'll blog about her.

the frequency part? I think I understood now what she meant.

oh. damn.
chennai's already here.
DAMN YOU indian railways! cant you be late by a day or 2 when I need it?

i thought about saying PK's line- see you when I see you
it was apt

but then......nah........thatd be too cheesy. too not me.

we parted at the last possible moment.
I winked.
she winked back.
she blew a kiss.
I winked again.

and turned.
clenched my fist. I shouldnt shouldnt turn back. I must NOT turn back.

the most mysterious thing about it was....

we never shared any private info not even our names

she was probably like me, I think.
shed too many tears that shouldnt have been shed.
too hurt, maybe.

a black and white rainbow. thats how I describe our kind.

it was great. really.
but we both had meant it to be a one-time-only thing.
we both knew that from the start.
thats probably why she was the person I opened up to the most.
it was the same for her, I think.

whatever it was.
it was beautiful.

for a few hours of that fateful day.(guess! it was 15th. ha!)and on the next.

she colored up my rainbow again.

this is to you mystery girl.I hope you find some color again.

*Quote of the week: Mystery girl - its only cheesy if the person in front of you is not attractive.

the honest post

1. Im not a ladies man. specially on blogger (as proved by the AGWA fiasco on the previous post)

2. My life is going to change from 15th onwards. it SHOULD. i HAVE to do it.

3. life never turns out how it should have

4. NOTHING can beat a chocolate milkshake......unless its a frappe maybe. (OR if youre lactose intolerant! you old fart!)

5. must.get.out.of.suspended.animation.

6. screwingupthespacingsinsentencesisfun.

7. I hereby trademark 'feh'

8. Im thinking about changing the blog title. suggestions anyone?

9. you dont laugh at the zohan, and you dont mess with the deluded.

10. trying to gulp down salt....EVEN if its iodine fortified salt.....is never a good idea

11. I like girls. specially hot ones.

12. fresh and honest coffee and CCD have probably made a small fortune from me

14. 13 is an unlucky number.

13. but I try not to be superstitious.

15. I like girls. just wanted to assert on that.know any single hot girl by any chance?

16. Im hungry. and broke.

17. after all that ass-r*pe in 5th sem......am I eligible for compensation from the government?

18. anyone interested in writing me a guest post?

19. feh.

20. I like round figures(only in maths. not on girls)

my new discovery

ladies and gentlemen.

I have made the greatest discovery ever(repeat. EVER) in a student's life.

exams tomorrow?
cant study?

really need to study, but cant concentrate?

too much to study, too less time?


need to think?
think real hard? be really creative?

no problem.
its not a dream anymore.

I have discovered a new class of physiologically active biomolecules which have the greatest potential of mental stimulation.

it makes you upto 766.78% smarter as long as you are in influence of the substance.


ok. NOW youre curious, right?

fine.
I'll share my secret with you guys.

ever wonder why ALL the genius ideas anyone ever had was in the bathroom?

what?

newton discovered it under an apple tree you say?
think my friend. think.

what was he doing under there, when that apple fell on his head?

taking. a. poo.

open air, my dear. open air.
its a whole new experience.

anyways. back to the topic.

I have derived this new class of biomolecules from bathroom fart.

I call the class - farteins (patent pending)(kind of like proteins huh?)

the class contains different molecules like:
farton, fartose, fartoic acid, poopein, paadain, and so on.


one sniff.
and your IQ quintuples.
as long as you smell it.

yup.


I think this might just be nobel prize material








so next time that you have a mental block

just go to the bathroom.

it works wonders.

p.s. divz : your answer: no. mosquitoes have lower intelligence. so.......they cant fart.

Of flowers, chocolates and candlelight dinners.

yes.

no.


there is just NO probability that that shall ever be the topic of a post on this blog



feh.


oh.
wait.

it just did.


double feh.

make friends who will call each other by nicknames forever

If you cant eat it,
throw it at your roommate

If you cant hit up on her,
then she must be a lesbian

Never buy aftershave,
borrow it from your friends

Never borrow toilet paper though,
buy it.......for god's sake(and yours)

free food always tastes better than food you have to pay for

if you sweat too much or smell,
blame it on the weather,
or say youre hyperthyroid

whats the need of a room freshener when you have deo
just spray it on your nose instead

hiatus

due to outstanding results in the previous exams

and the proximity of the next exams

deluded has decided to not blog (is that cheering I hear? DAMN YOU! blogosphere!)

until his exams get over
or he gets frustrated of studies
or someone changes his mind
or a hot chick asks him to(please do)


however, for the betterment of mankind(spreading of the teachings of calcicism)

deluded and dhongi baba shall answer all questions that may be asked

so........if there is any topic that you would like them to speak about......leave a comment about it........and a whole post shall be dedicated to that topic

ANY queries and questions(Bahaha.......they mean the same thing.....dont they?) shall be written about in detail


peace.



calcium.

Warning: Perverted post ahead

now this is very VERY interesting............

just half a day ago(read previous post)..........my profile visits were at 505(500 of that was self obtained)

and NOW......it has crossed 2500

that was an increment of of 2000......which was actually within the time period of 15 mins(I counted)

now you may have your own theories about it

but I have come to the most logical conclusion.........Im sure you'll all agree with me


the ONLY possiblity can be









a porn site was opened when I posted



and my link must have been next to the cutest sex bomb in it(or maybe they gave my picture next to it.........yes I. Am. Awesome.)

aaah........the endless possibilities


HOW ELSE can you explain this much traffic????





now you'll say.....no, that way it should have kept on increasing

but I disagree.

you see.....it must have had some REALLY freaky shit......so that google had to delete it or something.......to save the world from more perverted gore.


this has got to be it.

there is no other feasible explanation.



for 15 whole minutes on this awesome awesome day



deluded.............was a featured pornstar



you guys better get your autographs right now..........

and if anyone's interested......give me an encrypted message

you KNOW that youre unpopular.....

when your profile reaches 500
and you know that you were the one who increased it from 0 to 495
and then from 499 to 500
and then 505

DAMN

I must be really jobless or attention seeking







this post is a redirect post

no funny thing from ME today

I shall be redirecting you to


one of the coolest posts that I have ever read

from shatto

enjoy


also,

another link to .......

one of the spunkiest blogger I know

when you read her, leave some comments

Im hoping she'll come back if the number of comments on the last post go to 100



P.S thank you saurus, for being the first one to read all of my posts from post no.1...........that must have been A LOT of coffee taken to keep awake all the while

P.P.S. Gale, you are the coolest fangirl EVER

New teachings of Calcism

brought to you by Deluded.....

directly from the mouth of the spiritual guru - dhongi baba



Fear to be gay,
for he who not fear to be gay, must be gay


Never say no to free food, because free food is................free food!


when fighting a guy bigger than you, fight to your advantage........hit him in the nuts
when fighting a guy smaller than you, fight fair and square.........hit him in the nuts
NEVER fight a girl............they dont have nuts


never trust british men.........they have a stiff upper lip(facial paralysis from neurosyphillis) (thats an STD, you morons)


when at a zoo, feed the monkeys some peanuts from your neighbour's bag.
also, feed the sri lankan tour guide some.



diamonds are a girl's best friends..............only if you have small apparatus

never drink coke after you've had some mentos.............your stomach will explode,
be safe.........drink beer instead


it is your basic right to hit up on a hot girl........its more important than the right to eat


monkey see, monkey do
monkey not eat cow dung off the street! bad monkey!


never try and drink a blend of coffee and leftover curry


its always fun to start a metal song in full sound and glory at 3 in the morning...........when your roommate has an exam the next day and is suffering from an acute shortage of sleep


to piss off a girl.............say PMS
to make her happy again...........say pink teddy






wow. this religion is truly awesome.

anyway

quote of the week: Dr. Coffee - married people do not feel the need for masturbation

its a sad sad world

and we're sad sad people


everything would change, only if you were willing to make things happen

the things that could happen, only if you were willing to think

the things that you could understand, you would, only if you were willing to listen

the things that I say, can affect you only if you are willing to listen

the words that I can say, are only small scattered pieces of what I think

the things that I think, are only the tip of what I feel



the smallest things we do, can affect even the biggest of persons

the biggest things we do, wouldnt matter to even the smallest of people


the most insignificant things are remembered forever

the most important things are forgotten in a second







I would rather be a panda

OH. MY. GOD.

this is a notice to:

bhagwaan, god, jesus, allah, FSM.....................and the rest

I am henceforth denying any of your existence

Ive been brainwashed for a long time.......and now I finally understand

I can see the truth

none of you actually exist





the real god is-



CALCIUM






my new motto:

love, fame, money..........youth doesnt need such things. Its calcium. As long as there is calcium, everything will be alright.



what are all of you gasping about?

just think about it........

what are all the things that you have heard about the 'great one'?


1. he is everywhere.......even within ourselves
A: calcium

2. he decides our lives.......we cannot live without him
A: calcium

3. he shall smite you from within
A: pathologic calcification

4. it is he that keeps us happy
A: calcium

5. if he is not there.........we shall feel helpless, sad, alone
A: calcium deficiency


just think about it
everything that you have EVER heard about the wise one.............it all points to one god.......................the calcium god

I shall henceforth, start spreading the actual TRUE religion to the world
it shall be the most AWESOME religion of this world
and it shall sweep the whole world

I shall call it- CALCISM

join it.......before the calcium god decides to smite you from within(you'll die from pathologic calcification)

profile: calcism

current spiritual guru: Dhongi baba

current number of followers: 1

looking for: more followers, and money

latest teaching given by the avatar:

if you feel hungry. eat
if you feel thirsty. drink
if you wear glasses. look intelligent



P.S. 5th semester sessionals, I deny your existence too

P.P.S. you also, madam president.(so does most of India)YOU dont look too lively anyway

one of the BEST all time excuses

my dear female and male readers
(hi mom! hi dad!)

I have not yet found the perfect excuse.....the one that can get you out of ANY situation

however

Ive found the next best thing

and UNFORTUNATELY for those of the less gifted people out there,

it.

is.

a.

bloodline.


It is-

hold your breath



.


.


Im a bengali.




Question. why are you always so lazy?
Excuse. Im a bengali
Implied. all bengalis are lazy


Q. will you do this work for me?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!

Q. why do you look like you havent showered in a week?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye, f*ck off!

Q. why are you late to class?
E. Im a bengali
I. its hard to keep track of time with a big heavy bloodline in your veins

hmmmm.......

I could do this all day and all night long..........and it still wont decrease its excusing value

Q. why did you eat that week old food?
E. Im a bengali
I. we shall eat anything(that which doesnt kill you, makes you stronger)

Q. are you underage for this movie/club/drink?
E. Im a bengali
I. I SOOOO wanna see this A-rated movie/sexy people in skimpy clothes/jug of beer inside me

Q. are you drunk?
E. Im a bengali
I. *gulp gulp

Q. why do you hate the world?
E. Im a bengali
I. that means, I hate you too

Q. why are you so awesome?
E. Im a bengali
I. woohoooo


wow.
just wow.

Q. you know that you'll fail if you continue like this.........dont you?
E. Im a bengali
I. it doesnt matter, pass or fail, I'll still be a bengali......so I atleast get to work at the sweetshop next doors for free food

Q. why are you sleeping all the time?
E. Im a bengali
I. Zzzzzzzz

Q. will you donate some blood?
E. Im a bengali
I. Ive got blue blood

Q. do you have money?
E. Im a bengali
I. Im broke

HA!
there you go.
my friends, THAT is THE shit of all the shitload of excuses

feel free to use my discovery to your advantage(you can lie that youre a bengali)

Lesson learned: my ancestors have been everywhere where I could have gone, done everything better than I could have, done crazier shit than I can imagine to, AND also have been more mediocre and average than I have

Dammit!


P.S. also, comment, and leave your own Q.E.I.s for using this excuse

P.P.S. Jiggs, if youre reading this, UNBLOCK your blog.......Im addicted to that morning coffee freshness of your writing now


Q. isnt this supposed to come before the P.Ss and P.P.Ss?
E. Im a bengali
I. Aye! f*ck off

Q. why am I posting this at 4 am?
E. Im a bengali
I. mind your own business and circadian rhythm!

sometimes, some words just make sense

isnt life so sad when all you do is live?

youre still careless, young nd helpless....
disappearing into a hollow void.
now, having witnessed sadness you should never have seen
crying tears that should have remained dry.
we may not be tough enough to live on truth alone,
but you know, we dont need to be.





p.s. ten points to the one who figures out where I got this from WITHOUT searching for it

p.p.s NO, I will not be making a parody of this.......its too much sense to make into nonsense

guest post: Ki

Random thoughts about writing plus a tribute to Deluded:


Writing itself, to me, can sometimes be quite an effort. There are times when the words flow effortlessly, but at times I'm left hunting for words or tearing my hair out over a sentence that doesn't sound right. Then why do I write? As there could be nothing that can make you think, feel, express yourself AND lose yourself in it all at the same time than good writing.

Someone told me recently - "Your writing's like a 5 year old's. It has no style, no texture, no technique." I was quite annoyed, who wouldn't be? But when I went back and looked at my posts with a different perspective. Yes, they're not very eloquent, meaningful, moving etc. But hey, it brings out what I'm feeling in the best way I know how. My writing's a little piece of me. I wish I could sound deep, intense, worldly. But I guess I can offer just about a little honesty.

Which brings me (finally!) to Deluded. Or did he want me to go 'De-dude-d' like Express did?! ANYWAY, his writing has a nice balance - it's brilliant in so many ways, yet so simple. He has that honesty too but in a fun way!

He has this knack for bringing out things that will have you pondering in the funniest way ever. It's so easy to relate to his writing! Everytime I read something he writes, I go - "Hey! ME TOO! Why didn't I think of that?"

But it's not that easy. We can't all be AS smart now, can we? Or even as good looking or as popular? (YES! He did pay me for writing that last bit. Or atleast he will. :P) But seriously, this blog is one of my favourites. Every post makes me smile and I hope that the blog and Deluded's writing goes a long way. :)
As does his dream of being a doctor 'who earns a lot'. AND the one about 'getting, drunk, getting high and getting laid' to quote the great man himself. :P

And since I've done too much tareef, a mention of 'girly things' should nullify that, no? So here goes - "love, amazing, sweet, clothes, phone and wedding" words that Deluded thinks girls included in EVERY testimonial. Well, so be it baby, SO BE IT. :)

5th semester- end sem exams

random conversations in these troubled days

day before the exam-


friend: how goes?
me: there was a pole up my ass in the morning, in the afternoon a bus went in, now there's a whole circus in there
friend: ......
me: i think the whole continent of australia might fit in tommorow


random person: lets just get this over with quickly, Im so used to it now that I dont even need painkillers

random person: whats the use? is there really any use at all? f**king sadists!

morning of the exam-

friend: a guy, in the morning, eating without brushing...........thats the sign that says exams are going on

friend: no use taking a dump now, I'll take it in the evening......it'll be much easier then

5 mins before the exam-


random person: look! hot girl

.....50 guys turn simultaneously


after the exam is over

random guy1: I thought that only I would get r*ped today.
random guy2: en masse my friend, en masse

guy1: I hate microbiology.........they f**k me every single time
guy2: I hate forensics........they r*ped me today as well
guy1: wait.........wasnt today the micro paper?
guy2: oh.
guy1: ........
guy2: so THATs why I thought that most of the paper was out of course

random engg guy1: wanna get drunk?
random engg guy2: no.......Ive got studies
random engg guy1: you sound like a medical student
random engg guy2: yup.......lets go get drunk

random med guy overhearing: I wish.......

Ki: so....have you decided what kind of doctor you want to become?
me: yes, Ive given it a lot of thought, and Ive come to the conclusion that I want to become a doctor who earns a lot of money

friend: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle all the way..........santa claus just came to town and f**ked me ALL the way

me: more than 20 mins of online time on facebook makes a guy gay

Guest post: Divinediu

divinediu meets deluded


............................And divinediu gets dher saara homemade chocolate!! Yum!


Well, I had just set up a blog and was browsing through blogger profiles. I come across this-

deluded
interests:
everything except studies (specially the mind boggling heavier-than-thou medical books)

I had to take a peek. And I find his Memories of ragging from 1st year post which is SO funny. I was laughing. Like crazy.
Re reading. Laughing.
And again.
Yet again.
Yeah, imma little cuckoo like that. But you just read the post, you'll totally understand what I'm talking about! (Mum came in and saw there was no phone in my hand and me laughing and was kinda worried, but that's another story!!)

He was the first one to comment as well. So saying that he inspired me to write, wouldn't be wrong, right? ;)
(Now you've got to decide if that is good or bad!)

He cracks you up. You've read his stuff. You know. :)
Sarcasm. Acid dripping sarcasm, most of it.
Not the boring, silly, pathetic, childish PJs you get to hear from people, mostly.

He cares.
He has put up with a lot of my crap.. A lot of it, believe me. I haven't even put my best friend through such shit. :P
And he handled it amazingly well. I couldn't have done better!
Heck! I'd have sucked big time, myself!!
When was down, he spammed my blog. Sweet or what?? :)

He asks you questions.
Thousands of them. No, strike that. BIZILLIONS of them.
One. Great.
Two. Fine.
Three. Good
Four.
Five.
Six- and I go aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's like throwing china at you. You HAVE to catch em. Quick!!
ARGH!!
I don't like that kind of pressure!! :P
Well, again, the good thing is I can tell him that I don't want to answer questions no more! :)

He doesn't sleep. I don't know why. I still don't get why people like orkut so much either.
Take any random odd hour of the day. Deluded is awake. You bet.

He is sweet. Damn sweet.
How? Yesterday, he shaved. (Yeah, that's worth mentioning like twenty more times!!)
Oh, what the heck! I will say it 20 more times!!
He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved.He shaved. :P
That sounded so retarded, but anyway....
He also brought me a whole load of the homemade chocolates!

There you go, deluded. Your guest post. The first one you're getting and I'm so happy to be writing this for you. :)

Oh yeah. I almost forgot!
Cars. Bikes. Beards. Anger. Dirty nails(?). Sports shoes. Skulls. Spiders. Violence. Non vegetarianism.
Idk. I included all that so that would nullify the girliness in this post. Since you seem to have some sort of an allergy to that. ;)

Case history of AGWA

due to popular demand(and due to the presence of royalty on my blog)

I shall be presenting a case history on AGWA
(for all you non medical people, here is your chance of having a peek on how we med students present cases to our teachers(keep an ear out next time you fall sick)) (for all medical students- kill me, I let some details off, because they didnt fit......this is MY blog, not yours)

Name: Anonymous girl with attitude(AGWA)
Age: 20's
Sex: yes please!
Occupation: occupied
Address: doesnt give one (can be traced)

patient is conscious and cooperative

Chief Complaints:
inability to fall asleep, short-sightedness, dark circles, feels the world is worthless, lack of appreciation - since 6 years
she also complains of too many crappy bloggers in blogosphere with not enough good ones having "spunk"

History Of Presenting Illness:

patient complains of having all these complaints since 6 years ago when she discovered the existence of the computer world(Acute onset??) . she says she sometimes feels that it calls her to it and that whenever she tries to leave it, she feels depressed and lonely without it(withdrawal syndrome??)

she complains of inability to fall asleep since one day after she found out the comp, and also suggests that this may possibly be related to the 20 something cups of coffee she has while surfing the net

she also complains of severe short sightedness and dark circles under her eyes since a day after, and hints that her staring at the screen from 2 mm apart may possibly have something to do with it

feeling of superiority and lack of appreciation started appearing after the 3rd day of starting symptoms. she says that this may possibly be due to the fact that she writes awesomely, and the rest are all "junk"

she started feeling the lack of "spunk" since the time some anonymous "jerk" wrote that word in her blog, this may also be somehow related to the time when she was a little girl and a dog barked on her even AFTER she gave it a cookie

Past history:
AGWA was relatively normal until she had an anonymous comment criticising her on her blog
she then completely burst up, and said that the world will see its first superhero with the power to destroy cyberlives
AGWA rose to fame when she made the world's first anonymous con on an unsuspecting blogger who tried to flirt with her, by inviting everyone to a party and ignoring the said young prankster.
she made this into her modus operandi after that and uptil now has destroyed the cyberlives of thousands and shattered the ego of tens of thousands
AGWA was awarded the anonymous blogger of the year award in 2002 and has since been retaining the trophy each year

Medical History:no significant history

Drug history: definitely(caffeine)

Family history: no one else of her family or friends spend as much time on the comp as she does

Personal history: wont tell

Differential Diagnosis: there is NO differential for AGWA!!!! she's one of a kind

General Physical examination: wont let me do it

Systemic examination: as IF

Further Manangement: stay clear of her as long as your cyberheart is beating, also, try to grow some spunk

welcome

I know why youre here

youre here to read about me making fun of myself for YOUR entertainment on my blog!

but today, things will change

I wont make fun of myself on my blog anymore today

I shall make fun of myself on SOMEONE ELSE'S blog

here's the link

http://may-i-live-happily-ever-after.blogspot.com/2008/10/guest-blogger-deluded.html

dont be lazy.........leave some comments!!

and if youre wondering..who that hot girl writing so excellently is.......she's Ki(I think thats a buddhist name which means life....or something like that)

please dont bookmark HER page, when you havent bookmarked mine!!!
ie. if you bookmark her, then bookmark me too!

.
that was pathetic.

*sob
I no longer have even my own cyberspace to go sob in

plagiarism!

hey you guys

my mood isnt too good right now

thats because Ive been copied
the imaginative self sustaining genius that you all know has been copied

let me show you two poems:

this is the FAKE COPIED VERSION:

GONE-

I held a crystal in my hand,
So perfect and sparklingly clear...
With a sweep of a hand
Broken, shattered into pieces...

I held a diamond in my hand,
A perfect cut,
So beautiful...
In an instant, snatched away...

I held a rose in my hand,
With petals so delicate and fragrance so sweet...
Days passed, its petals turned brown
One by one, they fell to the ground...

Life is consistently inconsistent,
Nothing definite...
With a snap of a finger, everything stops
In a blink of an eye, everything's gone


isnt that SOO fake and unimaginative???

right?? right???




THIS is my original super AWESOME version.....



GONER-

I held a crystal in my hand
I held a diamond in my hand
I held a rose in my hand

no I do not have 3 hands
the crystal and the diamond were in the same hand

I sold the crystal
I sold the diamond

I got rich and asked a girl out for dinner
I gave her the rose in my hand
I got slapped in in the end

ah well
life is crap
nothing good.....
With a snap of a finger, everything stops
with a slap of hand, my reputation drops

you guys!!!
you've got to help me

please
the next time you see this author's[some guy named MDK] books......dont read his stuff
(apparently, while I only publish posts, HE has gone and publised a book)
and the next time you see this author....take his autograph and then tell him that he writes bad poetry.....

so help me, yeah?



P.S. I hope I dont get a lawsuit because of this ;)

Praise to the lord

have you ever had really deep questions pop into your minds?

I generally do

like.....

why are all the ceilings of all rooms painted with very light colors? (no answers to that one yet)

why does salman khan always take his shirts off? (is he a naturalist?)

why did that girl slap me after I asked her what PMS meant? (do you know?)

why do they call a burrito a burrito? (does that not sound vulgar to you?)

why is there no space time difference if you accelerate a tachyon?

why am I a genius of such epic proportions?
..........

yeah, I made up all of those.....except the last 2 ones

so lately Ive been thinking

what does one need the most in life?

have you ever thought that?what do you think is the answer?

if I get more than one reply to this
then I will post the shocking conclusion that I reached

one of my wierd surveys

yeah I do surveys
weird ones

and nobody pays me
its just out of curiosity

so now me and one of my friends have just concluded one such thing(comprising of a crowd of 150 medical students)

the surprising results

Most Frequently Asked Question(MFAQ) by a non medical GUY to a medical GUY is always related to shagging

MFAQ by a non medical GAL to a medical GAL is always related to menstrual cycles and their variations

MFAQ by a non medical GUY to a medical GAL(except of course, their numbers) is 'I have a fever, what do I take?'(or some other common ailment)

MFAQ by a non medical GAL to a medical GUY is 'I have a fever, what do I take?'(or some other common ailment)

yeah
gender gap still rules

memories of ragging (from 1st year)

I remember it like it was an hour ago.

the terror of the seniors.
the horror of being caught by one.

I remember
I had a tight schedule-
wake up(7 50), scratch my butt, mentally punch my roommate for his loud devotional singing in the morning, brush my teeth,dress up(I wish it was more like an engineering class- where you could go to college in shorts), go to class(8 00)(notice the absence of the routine morning bathroom rituals)(also any breakfast), come back(10 00), shit, wash face(bathing optional) go back for practicals(still nothing in my stomach), go to mess directly in groups of 20 and pray to god no senior catches you(12 30), try to sleep, dissection at 2, come back to room at 5, sleep and lose track of time. wake up. go to mess(this time accompanied by a anti-ragging security guard aptly named 'doberman '), get jeered at by everyone, come back to hostel, watch movies till 3 am, and sleep while one is still running.

yup. it was pretty hectic.

also did I mention the "freshers dress code" put on us by the 2nd years?
formal shirt(buttoned up to the collar), formal pants(without belt), black leather shoes(without shoe laces) and hair cut till 1 mm from the scalp(KMC 1-even the barbers knew the code)........yeah it was easy to spot us from a mile away(the point exactly)

anyways....off to some of my ragging experiences

the seniors would make ingenious ways to make us embarrass ourselves in public, however the most intensive things would be done in private.

senior: did you pass nursery?
me: (thinking its a trick question).... yes sir
s: so did you learn any nursery rhymes?
m: yes sir
s: which ones?
m: mmm....all the normal ones(1st mistake)
s: normal? then what are the abnormal ones?
m: stuttering........all of them are normal sir
s: then why do you call it normal?
m: (totally confused now) I didnt mean that.....sorry sir
s: ok, ok do you remember the story of the thirsty crow?
m: kind of
s: there's no "kind of" in medicine, is it a yes or a no?
m: yesss sir
s: good. narrate it to me in short sentences. and remember it word to word. I will ask you to repeat it.
m: ok sir(I know Im a goner now)
m: there was a crow. he was thirsty. then he saw a pot. the pot was half filled with water. the crow couldn't drink the water that way. so he found a pile of stones. and he picked up those stones. then he started to put the stones into the pot one by one. the pot started filling until his beak could reach the water. then he drank the water. and he flew away happily.
s: good story
s: ok, now repeat it with one modification
m(waiting with bated breath)
s: after each sentence add the words 'in my ass'
m: silence
s: do it!

the rest as you know is history.

My first dancing lesson:

s: do you know how to dance?
m: (gulp) sorry sir, no sir
s: ok, I will teach you
m: ok sir
s: have you ever seen a person making jalebi?(its a spiral thing like sweet specific to north india)
m: yes sir
s: ok, now move your hands as if you are making a jalebi
I do it
s: now move your legs like that(in a circular motion)
I do it
s: now move your ass like that
I do it
s: now do those simultaneously(try it is my advice to see the result)
I do it
s: good, now you know how to dance.

the simplicity of it all!

ah! good old first year.

forensick medicine

ever thought that all forensics staff are perverts?
well Im probably not alone when I say this.

they just HAVE to be perverts.
I mean what do you expect? just see any textbook of forensics and open the chapter sexual offences .....you'll see what I mean.

the HOD for example took our classes on it.
and by god was it a learning experience.

you learn about how people think dressing up as a person of the opposite sex is erotic...wierd but I'll allow it
but how can anyone even imagine stuff like pee and shit to be that?
and then you learn new terms like catamite and bagpiping(yukk)

anyways
now comes the reason why I started the post.

sessional exams are going around right now.
just gave the forensics practical. and the viva.

now this prof. must be totally addicted to sex......because he kept asking me to define one sexual offence after another........and there I go using up all of my imagination for it.
and all my answers stared the same way.....sir, when a person derives sexual pleasure by blah blah blah.

the best one was when he asked me what a catamite is(google it if you want)
my reply-
sir, when you sodomise a young child that child is called a catamite

it was only when the two PGs sitting nearby started to laugh that I realized my faux pas......

of course it was unintentional so he let me off......

or was it? ;)

my dhobi--The Sadist!

I woke up.
I was pitifully late for class.
brushed my teeth, brushed my hair....
quickly changed
forensics! have to wear formal or no attendance!
only one clean set of clothes left
got the shirt on
just getting the pants on and shit......... its button is already shattered into pieces
there goes another morning class of mine

which of course made me write this blog.

All dhobis are sadists
I mean right now during hostel life, specially in the medical line (the engineering ones are mostly crap.......you can wear even shorts and t shirts to class) its a big thing
a dirty labcoat can get you thrown out of class(damn those profs....why dont they get a life)

so I have had experiences with quite a few dhobis

with the first one, it was that the clothes came back dirties than when I gave it to him......and by got are the clothes dirty when I get through with them
so I had to start washing my own clothes

then there was a brief stint with one who claimed he dry cleaned the clothes
well the clothes were clean and all
but cant you learn to iron(why do we call it press????) them?

and now the latest of the trilogy has appeared
the button tearer
ok....now I get if you accidentally tear the button off
but how the hell can anyone break it into 4 pieces every time?
and getting buttons is so hard here

now imagine the kind of lifestyles that these 3 dhobis have, by the way they treat clothes

no 1. god knows mate......he's dirtier than me for sure, maybe he wears my stuff after Im done with them, or maybe he uses a rock for a detergent(there are other things but those are to gross for me to put here)

no.2 leads the most unorganised life, and has the most unkempt hair Ive seen

no.3 the sadist................do i need to say anything?

now Im looking for dhobi no.4
theres already small piles of clothes all over m room

Today !

yeah
we're having an inter batch college fest right now
and as usual I deemed it pretty boring to participate or attend

well it was microbiology class and I was bored
so anyways I was looking at the events later in the day
and there I saw a poetry recitation competition on the topic - "today"

and so I entered in it
now it didnt win(the proffs are not yet THAT open)
but it did open some mouths wide and turn some heads

now as you expect most ppl would write about....something like the changing past....tomorrow......boring stuff like that
this is my version.........(Uncensored)

TODAY


there was a girl
she had a crush
there was a boy
he wanted an adrenaline rush
one day they hooked up
there was magic in the air
they had chemistry
they had something on their minds
as the evening progressed
they had more and more fun
and he said that, 'the good times are yet to begin'

but then at night, something unexpected happened
she wanted protection
she asked if he had 'it'
but he didnt
so the boy went off
she cried all night
she used to feel miserable
she used to say there's no tomorrow

but then one day
she was watching TV
she was surfing the channels
she stopped at channel V
and suddenly she saw something special
a ray of hope in an Ad
and old filmstar singing and dancing
and then she said the magic words
"to save tomorrow, use "today" "

the girl was happy
she had found her answer
she knew the boy would come back now
because
"today" is the best contraceptive in India
"today" has the least side effects
its easy to insert
and it doesnt even hurt
there's no pain, there's just gain
dont have to use a condom
dont have to feel lame
"today" is the best player of the game




......

for the uninitiated, 'today' is a brand of spermicidal sponge marketed in India by the Govt.

end of the line

I tried the 20 things but not all
but yeah I did fall short of target

and I had fun
my promise to myelf..... I shall no longer have a boring med life